


except for the words keep going

by sandyk



Category: Superstore (TV)
Genre: Abortion, F/M, bisexual jonah, chronic pain Jonah, injured Jonah, mentally unwell Jonah, other people's drug use, secondary relationship of Jonah/OMC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 03:58:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12903525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: In April, Amy took a pregnancy test and it was positive. Three stories that happen after that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Open and closing quote and title from Seth Landman's In This Embodiment. Based on freelancerrh's Roads Diverged (http://archiveofourown.org/works/8491321), the concept. (If you like Dawson's Creek, that story is so so so very good.) Everything else is my mess. Certain things happen in every story, there will always be a Sheila, there will always be Richmond Heights. I'm pro-abortion and if you're not, you likely won't enjoy this story, and you absolutely will not persuade me to change my mind.

_Keep going._   
_Cross out_   
_everything_   
_except for_   
_the words_   
_keep going._

 

_A_ "Hey, remember that time I wasn't pregnant? Not this time," Amy said. She had pulled Jonah into a corner of the parking lot, far away from everyone but under one of the parking lot lights.

It had already felt weird, being dragged across the parking lot and then standing there and nearly everyone had left so there were only the employees' cars. A few stars, half a moon, a really bright parking light and Amy looking freaked the fuck out. Which now made sense. Jonah said, "Okay."

"100% yours, I mean Adam and I haven't even seen each other naked in like, two months. So there you go." Her voice was really high "No way I can convince him I haven't been having an affair so I guess, I have no idea."

He said, "Okay. What do you want to do? This doesn't have to be the permanent answer unless you want a permanent answer." He was starting to feel a little panicked himself.

"I guess. I don't know. I barely go to church but I couldn't, I don't think I could get an abortion. Which would really be the smart thing to do. Maybe I can? Maybe I just seduce Adam tonight. You two have the same coloring and honestly Emma doesn't really look like Adam even though she is his. Fuck, that's an insane plan. Why don't I just leave him?" Amy sat down on the concrete thing at the end of the parking space. Jonah had no idea what that thing was called.

"You know," Jonah said. "Okay. Here's the thing, I love you and I want you to be happy and I would hate for you to kinda repeat history here and make decisions because you're pregnant."

"Maybe should have thought of that before whatever didn't work when we had sex didn't work," Amy said. "I know that was ridiculous. But like, I want that, too, Jonah. I think about leaving Adam every morning. I should do it. But also, the thing is, I don't want my life dictated by babies either but here it is." She looked up at him. "Can you sit down here with me while I freak out? You should freak out. Your mistress is pregnant, Jonah."

"I don't think you're my mistress. If I were married, then you would be my mistress, but mostly, I'm just your boyfriend on the side, though I guess you could use the word cuckold, but porn has ruined that one," Jonah said. He sat down next to her. "Mostly, I'm more worried about you. And your life. And what you're going to do. Also, wow, my great-grandparents would all rise from the grave and kill me if my baby isn't raised Jewish, so, now I'm thinking about that."

Amy was breathing heavily. He took her hand. He said, "I know, you said you don't think you can, and it is totally okay if you don't want to, but maybe you could reconsider the no abortion decision?"

"Yeah," Amy said. "Yeah. I know. I feel like, you know, this, I somehow got pregnant despite a condom, maybe that's a sign. Oh, and I want another baby. Everything is fucked up beyond fucked up right now, but in two years it won't be as fucked up."

"Yeah, in two years, you'll be divorced and Emma will be 15 and --"

"And she'll hate me," Amy said. "I cheated on her father and had a baby with someone else. Okay, five years. Emma's not speaking to me, still, you've abandoned me because of your crippling gambling addiction and I'm basically a single mother raising a Jewish baby and I don't know anything about your religion and I can't even ask you because your parents won't let me talk to you because they blame me."

"That seems really unlikely," Jonah said. He squeezed her hand. "My mother and my stepfather would probably just take custody of the baby. They have a lot of money."

"Oh, okay, got it." Amy leaned against Jonah's shoulder. "I should have an abortion."

"You should do what feels right," Jonah said. He was starting to freak the fuck out himself. But he needed to focus on Amy. He said, "I think one thing we know for sure is that maybe this is possibly a good time to end things with Adam."

"Oh, right. Okay, good idea." She stood up abruptly and said, "Can you drive me? When I was pregnant with Emma, I fainted twice during the first trimester."

"Drive you to your house in your car?"

He did it, of course. He watched her walk confidently to the door and go in. Then he got out of her car and started walking, calling for an Uber as he walked.

He got about four blocks away when he heard someone calling his name. He turned around and saw Amy. He stopped and walked towards her. "Amy? Are you okay?"

"I'm good, I'm great," Amy said. She was clearly crying. "So I told him it was over. And he was surprised. And Emma wasn't. And then I said I had to go. I was moving out. But I don't actually have a place to stay."

"Or any of your stuff," Jonah said. "But if you want to stay with me, of course you can."

"I'm sorry I'm being insane," Amy said.

"It's okay," Jonah said. "Hey, look, there's my Uber."

Which is how Amy moved in. He had work the next day and she didn't. When he got home from work, Amy had boxes all over his living room and a few pieces of furniture and also Emma doing homework apparently on his couch. "Hey, Emma," Jonah said. "Good to see you?"

"I guess you're my dad now," she said, glaring at him.

"No, no, that's not," Jonah said.

"Stop, Emma," Amy said, coming into the room. "I'm sorry about all this, Jonah. I went over this morning and talked to Adam, you know, and mentioned I was staying here and then you know, he kind of figured out we had been having an affair, which was wrong," this was said with a sharp look at Emma. "And hurtful, and a bad thing. And I feel bad. So here we are."

Emma said, "It's good you guys broke up, you were making each other miserable. I'm cool."

"You're taking this affair thing better than I did," Jonah said.

"Your mom had an affair?" That was from Amy.

"No, my dad," Jonah said. "More than one. I was 18, and my parents came to parents' weekend at my college. Told me all about it. Probably because I was away at school and before that my parents were never really happy, so I didn't get that their marriage wasn't working." Then he started freaking out a little that he'd said that. What did he know about being a parent? Barry wasn't a bad parent, his kids didn't seem too bad but they were only ten, eight, and six. 

"We were happy," Amy said. "We were."

"When, specifically?" Emma had a face of pain that Jonah really recognized.

He said, "You know, I am going to leave you two to talk about this, why don't I get us dinner?"

Amy shoved a 20 in his hand and told him to go to the Mexican place by Richmond Heights.

He freaked out while he was ordering. He didn't know what Emma wanted. He didn't know if there was something in the food he shouldn't get for Amy, he didn't know what he wanted. He knew not to get alcohol but wasn't there something about tuna? Or sushi. Or fish. He reached for his phone to search but his hands were shaking. He was going to have a baby and Amy was living in his place and also he was going to be a father. He wondered if he knew someone from work who could bring him some meth. Maybe this was a good time to start.

He got the food and called his older brother Barry. He babbled the whole story while Barry listened. Then Barry said, "Wow, don't do meth, but you are pretty fucked."

"That's helpful," Jonah said.

"Look, you knocked up this woman, you love her, ride out the crazy shit and it will get better. The thing is, don't be Dad. Think about other people first, specifically, Abby."

"Her name is Amy," Jonah said. "You're right. You're right. I always forget you don't like Dad."

"Well, you're his favorite so of course you have a different opinion," Barry said. "But, basically, that's my advice. And I'll say a prayer she decides to abort."

"Well, please don't do that, she made her choice," Jonah said. "Thank you."

He drove straight home. Emma ate dinner and then Jonah drove her to the house. "Bye," he said.

"Bye," Emma said. "I know you didn't meant to ruin everything."

"Yeah, but it's all ruined for you," Jonah said. "Sorry."

She smiled a little at him and then went inside. He waited for her to get the door open before leaving so he knew she was safe even though he was pretty sure Adam probably wanted to beat the crap out of him.

When he got back, Amy was already asleep in his bed. He set the alarm for her.

Amy woke him up around one am. She said, "I threw up a lot. I'm sorry."

"You missed the bathroom?" He looked around even though it was dark and couldn't really see anything.

"No, but I was really loud and I thought I woke you up," she said. "But I didn't."

"Nope, but it's okay," he said. "How are you doing?"

"I'm sorry I've been freaking out," she said. "I'm sorry I forced you to take me in and then Emma was here. And you thought you were just sleeping with a married lady, not getting all this drama."

"I thought I was in love with you and I still am," he said, patting her hand. Or whatever part of her was close to him.

"I think," Amy said. "I'm going to have it. The baby. But we're not getting married. Not until we really want to. If that works for you."

"I'm not going to tell you what to do," Jonah said. "Of course it works for me. But also, any chance you could convert so the baby is Jewish?"

"Okay," Amy said. "Sure. I probably owe you one. I'm not a very good Catholic."

"It'll be fun. You might like it."

 

_B_ Amy went to a Target and bought the pregnancy test and took it in their bathroom. She looked dully at the positive strip and threw it away. She drove home and home was the house she and Adam had bought with help from his parents and her parents. She ran her hand down the weathered door. They should replace that.

She made the two appointments for the abortion and didn't say a word to Jonah or anyone. Jonah was the only one who should know. If she didn't already know she had the upper hand with him, it was clear over the next four days when she mostly ignored him and he did nothing, besides give her sad puppy eyes. She had to work a double the day after but it worked out fine, she got the job done. And then it was done.

The next day, she texted Jonah and asked if she could come over. He texted back immediately with a 'yes, please.'

Amy got in his bed like she usually did, but she said, "I'm having cramps or something, maybe we can just cuddle?"

"Of course," Jonah said. "I love cuddling. Thanks for coming here for your cuddles."

"My favorite stop for getting felt up," Amy said. She just liked the feel of him, Jonah was all soft skin and lean muscles and she'd texted after work, so his hair was still firmly styled. She liked Jonah and his arms around her.

They were back to fucking a few days later. "I know you prefer cuddling," Amy said.

"I like all sort of contact with you," Jonah said. Even though he was naked and had just made her come in a very loud and unladylike fashion, he still seemed a little nerdy. She liked him so much. It wasn't his fault they had a contraceptive failure. She didn't blame him at all. 

She was very adept at juggling. She would have sex with Jonah all night and then drive home around 2 am. She and Adam didn't share a bed, so he didn't know when she got home. She was up in the morning and made breakfast for both of them. She went to work, she went to her college course, and she went home to her family or if the schedules didn't match up, she went back to Jonah's. They had sort of dates in Jonah's living room and on his couch. It was a lot of take out and more card games than Amy had really expected. "I could teach you how to play bridge," Jonah said. "We'd need another two people for that, but we could play online."

"Who still plays bridge? Besides you," Amy said.

"Both my brothers, my dad, my PopPop and Nana, a bunch of my aunts and uncles," Jonah said. "A bunch of people online."

"Should you be playing card games online?" Jonah gambled too much so now he didn't gamble, he'd had sex with men. Jonah had made sure she knew all of that before they had sex the first time. He'd told her after they were naked and right before she got a condom. The memory made her smile. 

"There's not a lot of betting involved in bridge," Jonah said. "Though, you have a point. Gambling is like porn, it's everywhere, for anything you can think of."

"We can Skype in your PopPop and Nana," Amy said, turning over cards.

"Don't tempt me," Jonah said. "I would love that and they would, too." Then he was concentrating as he cut the deck and cut it again. "How do we make sure they have the same deck we do?"

"We're not playing bridge with your grandparents, Jonah," Amy said.

She confessed, eventually, to Garrett. She didn't mean to. They were both alone in the break room and Amy was thinking about how weird it was that she wasn't weirded out at all by having an abortion. It was just something that happened, it was what made sense. She looked up from her sandwich and said, "Jonah and I are having sex."

Garrett said, "I believe you."

"It's really happening. I haven't told anyone," Amy said. "It's weird, right?"

"You're both reasonably attractive people, you enjoy spending time together, your marriage to Adam clearly hasn't made you happy in a few years, so nope, not weird," Garrett said. "Not sure I get why you don't just leave Adam."

"I know," Amy said. "I know. Why don't I?"

"You're not religious all of a sudden, are you?"

"No, not at all, no," Amy said. "That's not it."

"So you're just going the path of least resistance. Have your skinny white boy cake and eat it, too."

"That makes me sound bad," Amy said. "I mean, the whole thing makes is clearly me being a horrible person."

"Jonah's fucking a married woman," Garrett said. "So he sucks, too."

"I suck more," Amy said.

"Okay, sure," Garrett said. "I like you fine. Even if you are a horrible cheater."

"Thank you," Amy said. "Don't tell anyone."

"You can trust me," Garrett said. He patted her hand which was so not like Garrett to be comforting, she almost cried.

 

_C_ It took forever for Jonah to come out of the store and even longer for him to walk over where she was. So she had time to make up her mind. She didn't want to, she was replaying all the same arguments she'd made when she was 18, but this was different. It was a different time. In her life. Part of her wanted to keep the baby, to think about it as a baby. But last time she'd been 19, and she hadn't even understood everything that was coming her way. She was really far from 19 now. 

Jonah sat down next to her on the ground. "What are we doing out here, Amy?"

"I'm getting an abortion, because I'm pregnant. And it's yours," Amy said. "But I was sitting out here and I thought about it and I can't have this baby. This will blow up our lives. I mean, it's a big neon sign saying time to do something, change it all up." She hadn't looked at Jonah yet. He touched her knee.

"I'll pay and go with you."

She looked at him then and they were both near tears. She sighed. "Sorry everything is so miserable."

"I've had worse," Jonah said. He sort of smiled. "I mean, not really. Not actually, at all. This is a bad week."

"But it could be worse," Amy said.

"Okay, let's not try to figure out how it could be worse. So, when do you make the appointment?"

"I have to make two," Amy said. "Ain't Missouri great? First they talk to me and try to convince me not to do it, then I get to come back 72 hours later and actually get the incredibly safe medical procedure I already decided I want."

"That's such bullshit. Can I go with you? For the the part where the state forces doctors to lie to you?"

"Oh, Jonah," Amy said. "It doesn't change if you argue with the poor doctor. I mean, I'm going to Planned Parenthood, I'm sure the doctors there hate doing it, too."

Jonah said, "I won't argue. I was just going to take notes so I could tell you the parts that aren't true. Unless you don't want me to."

"I don't want you to. You can come, please come with me, but I don't need the footnotes," Amy said. She wasn't looking forward to it.

It wasn't as bad as she thought. Jonah played Selena in the car, spontaneously, she was amazed he'd thought of it. He didn't say anything when she got back in after her mandatory lecture, just put the music back on. She said, "You're dying to know."

"I'm not dying to know. I think it's an unfair law and the last thing you or any other person getting an abortion need is a lecture, but I'm not like, dying to know. I just want you to be okay," Jonah said. "Really."

"You're so sweet," Amy said. "So let me tell you what the poor woman had to say."

"I appreciate it," Jonah said. Then after she told him, he started refuting it, point by point. He was getting worked up, which was kind of adorable. This was why she needed to change her life. She never thought of Adam's lectures as adorable, even slightly. 

The night before the actual abortion, she was at work and she said to Jonah, "I'm leaving Adam. I thought I'd do it tomorrow, you know, seemed like the right day for it."

"Wow," Jonah said. "Okay."

"Bet you wish I'd done that sooner," Amy said.

"I wish," Jonah said and trailed off. "Obviously, I'm in love with you and it would have been great if you'd been divorced or separated before we started our, uh, sexual relationship. But you're deciding here. I'm glad you're leaving him because I think you'll be happier and I love you, as I already said, so I want you to be happy."

She patted his hand. "That's really incredibly sweet. Though it's not great that that's the first time you say you love me."

"I figured it was implied a few times," Jonah said.

She smiled and touched his cheek. She pulled her hand back before anyone saw.

In the morning, she told Adam they were done. Over. He tried to argue a little, but his heart wasn't in it. She said, "I'm spending the new few days at a hotel, just to think and whatever. When I come home, we'll figure everything out." Then they told Emma which was horrible.

She drove to Jonah's apartment. He drove her to the clinic. They went inside and Jonah paid, on his credit card. When everything was done, he brought her back to his apartment. She laid on his couch and watched Murder She Wrote on Netflix, Jonah's choice. It was oddly comforting.

Before she went to sleep, she said, "Jonah, we have to break up, too. I mean, again, big neon sign saying time to change. I don't think we can be together." It was weird how saying it almost hurt more than talking to Adam. 

"Not sexually," Jonah said.

"That's an incredibly awkward way to say it, but yeah. We'll be friends, but I need to chill on everything, regroup."

"That makes sense," Jonah said.

Amy said, "I can still get a hotel room."

Jonah smiled at her. He also brought her a bowl of soup. "I'm not actually a super asshole. Stay as long as you need to."

"In two days I'm going home, and then I'll work out where to live after that." She turned on her side. "Thank you, Jonah. I'm sorry about all this."

"Don't be sorry," Jonah said. "You didn't do anything. Contraceptive failure," Jonah said, shrugging.


	2. Chapter 2

_A_ The day had started badly. Somehow as soon as Cheyenne's wedding was over and Jonah drove her home, Amy had popped. Her belly, specifically. She couldn't button her jeans, none of her pants fit. Her denim skirt didn't fit either. She finally decided on an elastic waist boring brown skirt. She said to Jonah, "I hope this isn't the outfit I get laid off in."

"Glenn would never lay you off, he loves you," Jonah said. "Like me. But in a different way, much much less sexual," Jonah said.

"He loves me less since I turned into a sinful tart," Amy said. "He'll love me even less when he figures out I'm pregnant."

"No, he understands. He will understand," Jonah said. "I mean, if Emma is okay, he doesn't get to object."

"I'll let him know that," Amy said. "I think he would actually listen to Emma if it came down to that."

They drove to work together from Jonah's new place. He'd bought a condo, with three bedrooms. She would have wondered how he could afford it but she knew his brother Barry had loaned Jonah half the down payment and cosigned the loan. It was a nice place, at least. Amy wished it felt more like hers and not so much like Jonah's where he was letting her stay. He'd told her he'd be happy to put her name on the lease but Barry had told him not to until Amy's divorce was final. Amy had said "makes sense." 

She didn't think Adam would be so awful as to try to take her place with Jonah, but she understood why Jonah and Barry would be afraid of that. 

Then the tornado struck and she was so panicked and Jonah was clearly doing his best not to be. He held her tight and covered her with his body with things started falling around them.

Then it was over. Jonah held her hand as they walked out, looking up at the empty missing ceiling. She was still reeling outside when she heard someone saying, "Amy, you're okay." It was Adam, not someone. She knew his voice.

She turned slightly in Jonah's arm and Adam just looked her, his face getting red. He said, "Amy," his voice angry. Jonah's arms tightened around her. Adam said, "So when're you due?"

"December," Amy said.

Adam looked over his shoulder and she saw he had some blonde white girl in his car. Adam said, "Emma asked me to come over and check on you. But since I'm here I guess I should tell you I have a girlfriend, her name is Sheila. She's due in December, too."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Amy turned around, ready to rip his face off. "You made me feel like shit for cheating on you and you were cheating, too? For just as long. Well, you get to tell Emma, and make sure she knows that I wasn't the only one who screwed around."

"Fine," Adam said. "I could tell you were pulling away, you were done with me."

"I'm not having this argument," Amy said. "Think about Emma, okay?"

"I am," Adam said. "I'm gonna tell her tonight."

She was fuming the whole drive home. "Can you believe him? Can you?"

"I feel a lot less guilty," Jonah said. "But poor Emma. She's always going to have these two siblings born around the same time, stuck with me and Sheila in her life. What do you think Sheila's like?"

"I think she's a fucking c--"

"Babbaba, let's not say that word. The baby can hear," Jonah said.

She glared at him. He shut up for the rest of the drive.

Jeff called them, specifically Amy, to say that they were all laid off and could apply for unemployment, and they should all hopefully be back in two months.

"Then he says 'don't worry, we'll take everyone back,'" Amy said. She was just angry. She'd been angry for days. "How are we supposed to afford anything? God."

"I could get a job," Jonah said. "My dad knows someone who knows someone who works downtown, maybe they have an opening. Dad has a lot of friends." He looked like he was proposing gargling razors.

Her anger deflated and she rubbed her belly. She said, "You don't have to."

"Well, that's not true," Jonah said. "I don't have to do it, but it's the best option out there. I promise not to turn into Rex or anything, but it won't be Cloud 9."

"It will be better healthcare," Amy said. "Maybe you can get a dental cleaning more than once a year. I know how much you love your pretty teeth."

"That's a plus," Jonah said. He sat down next to her and put his hand over hers over her round little ball of belly. "I bet this one will appreciate some dental insurance."

"They don't have teeth yet," Amy said. "Well, not descended."

"Teeth are weird," Jonah said.

_A_ Jonah made it through his first week of work at the new job. He was very focused on the positive every day when he got home. She felt like she could actually see him making the effort. It was pure Jonah that the effort was so visible, at least to her. "It's not so bad," Amy said. "They give you healthcare. You're not torturing kittens or anything."

"No, no hurting kittens. It turns out I remember a lot of from business school so I actually don't come off as as much of an idiot as I am," Jonah said. He smiled and then stopped smiling as he moved the take out food around on his plate. She wished he was better at faking his happiness and then felt shitty for thinking that. 

"You're not an idiot," Amy said. "You're smart. You know, the one thing you were always really great at at Cloud 9 was dealing with the customers, and this is customer service, you know."

"You don't think I'm great at anything at work," Jonah said, smiling again.

She decided not to comment on his present tense use for Cloud 9. It was idiotic Jonah preferred underpaid retail to a salaried job with benefits where his greatest suffering was sitting all day. It was the kind of job he should have had. She said, "I don't like to puff up your ego."

"Yeah, that's why you never said it," Jonah said.

She hated not working. Jonah kept saying she should relax, find a way to enjoy her vacation. Except it wasn't a vacation. She didn't sleep in because she got up with Jonah and Jonah worked from 7:30 am to 3:30 pm. He made his own breakfast and he made hers which was a change for her. Her morning sickness had thankfully passed. "Guess what today is," she said, sipping her orange juice. She thought about Glenn and looked longingly at Jonah's coffee.

"I know what today is," Jonah said. "Your divorce is final."

"I am now changing my name back to Sosa, I have so many stupid forms to fill out today," Amy said. "But exciting forms."

Jonah kissed her goodbye, she squeezed his butt. They should have more sex, she thought. The sex had been so great, from the start. Even after Jonah stopped everything the first time to tell her he'd had sex with men and also had a gambling addiction. She got so turned on by the way Jonah was so so focused on her. Adam hadn't been like that since Emma started school. She enjoyed the sex with Jonah because it was Jonah, not some anti-Adam thing. She kept telling herself that. 

She picked up Emma from school and they sat together at coffee shop. Emma was actually interested in talking, which was good and rare. Emma was only mildly freaked out about getting two new siblings and two sort of step-parents. Emma seemed to think she had to take sides and she'd taken Amy's. "Dad was so angry at you and he was cheating, too," Emma said.

"Emma, both of us were acting badly. We made vows and we didn't honor them. We should have been better partners to each other," Amy said. "You know what I mean?"

"I do understand," Emma said. "How are you so cool with it?"

"Well, we're divorced," Amy said. "Whatever happened has happened and now it's over and all that matters is you, because you are the best thing in both of our lives. I know Adam would say the same thing."

"Until you have both have new babies," Emma said.

"Nope," Amy said. "Then I'll have two best things in the whole world."

"I am not a thing," Emma said. She stuck out her tongue. Then they both actually laughed.

Amy was feeling pretty high on her life, things were going her way. Then she got home, to Jonah's home. He was sitting at the couch, looking anxious. She really hated that look on him. "What's wrong?" She sighed.

"So, my fancy healthcare? Only applies to my wife. Even though it's my kid --"

"We did the paternity test, can't you show them that?" Amy sat down next to him. She'd wanted to make sure Jonah was sure and she didn't want any crap from Adam or anyone else. So they'd done that, a paternity test. 

"Doesn't matter," Jonah said. "I asked. Baby girl Sosa Simms doesn't get coverage until she's breathing outside the womb."

"That's insane. What if we were registered domestic partners or something?"

"Well," Jonah said. "That used to be okay because they're very progressive and covered gay and lesbian partners but now that everyone can get married, they don't need to."

Amy sat back and looked at the ceiling. The baby moved inside her and she felt nauseated. She said, "Okay, fine, let's get married. We can just do it, get married with a judge and it's a piece of paper so I get decent health insurance."

"You don't want to be married to me," Jonah said. His voice was very quiet.

Amy turned and hugged him. "It's not like that at all," Amy said. "I love you. I love you. I always figured, I mean, honestly, I figured we'd get married eventually, but I didn't want it to be because we had to. That's the part I don't like. Not being married to you. I love you."

"This isn't one of those things you do where you cave the minute someone is upset, right?" He was kind of mumbling into her hair.

"No, it's not." She didn't really do that all the time. She was getting a lot better about it. And she really did love Jonah. She appreciated all his sacrifices. Even if she didn't actually understand how taking a non-retail, non-Cloud 9 job was such a sacrifice. She snuggled into him. "We can get married this week, I'll get all the stuff. It works out for me, I can change my last name back to Sosa for free-ish."

"We just won't tell anyone. Not until we're actually married married," Jonah said. "Except HR and everyone at work, but that's fine."

They got married on Monday in front of a judge. A very bored judge. Their witnesses were the couple who was getting married after them. They stayed to be that couple's witnesses.

"I'm excited about this healthcare," Amy said.

"It's pretty good. Kicks in next week, so we did this in time for you to be seamlessly added," Jonah said. He smiled awkwardly. 

 

_B_ Then a hurricane came, Jonah thought, but it wasn't a hurricane, it was a tornado. He'd pulled Amy to safety in the pharmacy and she was safe, but something big landed on his side, mostly on his arm. His arm did not feel good. He was in incredible pain and he was pretty sure he was going into shock. Amy kissed him and said, "Hold on. This has to end eventually."

Which it did and he hauled himself up, leaning on Amy. He felt like he was on fire, or how he imagined that would feel, when it came to levels of pain. He mumbled, "Aren't there paramedics?" 

Amy shook her head. "Not yet." Everyone else had come through mostly unscathed. 

The fire trucks and paramedics came in and one of them was actually looking at Jonah's arm. He refused to look at it, because it felt bad, so it probably looked horrible. He snuck a glance and wanted to throw up. He wished someone had given him painkillers already. A lot of painkillers. But he wasn't screaming in pain, so he was a little proud of himself. Amy was sitting next to him, her hand on his thigh. 

So of course Adam pulled up to check on his wife. He was shouting and Amy was upset and then Jonah stood up because he was just that stupid. 

Turned out Adam could really punch, because then Jonah was doubled up and everything was very loud. 

He threw up somewhere in there. He probably screamed, too. He had a thought about how everyone was going to make fun of him. 

He opened his eyes and he was in a hospital bed. "Oh," Jonah said. 

"Hey, you're up," Garrett said. He was in his wheelchair sitting at the foot of the bed. "So, you broke your arm, and cracked a few ribs in the tornado. And then Adam decked you for sleeping with his wife which is something you were doing, so understandable, and possibly bruised a few more ribs and now you're here. In the hospital. We don't really have a workplace anymore. And now for the really fun news: I went to your place to get you some clothes, and your place is flattened."

"Oh," Jonah said. "Fuck."

"Yeah," Garrett said. "Well, you've had a shit day and it is going to stay shitty. You're recovering from surgery, you got metal plates in your arm forever now, and it'll be a day or more before you can go."

"Go where?"

Garrett sighed. "I have a second bedroom. Glenn gave me your emergency contact info so I called your dad, too. I think he's going to give you some money. You can stay with me while you get your life back together. If Amy comes over, I better not hear you two having sex."

"Thank you," Jonah said. 

He thought probably Amy would call him. She had to wonder if he was okay. 

He'd been at Garrett's for two days when Amy finally called, and she called Garrett, not him. Also, it was Cheyenne who called, not Amy. But she was calling on behalf of Amy. "See, Amy and Adam have totally split up, and Bo and I have taken her in for the night, but after that she's going to her mom's. And she found out from Adam that Adam was also having an affair and his mistress is pregnant! If he has a pregnant girlfriend why is he punching Jonah? That is my question. I don't even know, Garrett. But Amy drove by Jonah's apartment and apparently it's been blown away like the store. Jonah isn't answering his phone so I thought, hey, Garrett went to see Jonah at the hospital so maybe Garrett knows. But Amy felt like she doesn't know you well enough to just call you, or she's shy or she's just gone a little nuts from all the stress. So I said I would."

Garrett had put Cheyenne on speaker after the first few words, so Jonah got to hear everything. Garrett said, "Adam has a pregnant mistress?"

"He DOES. After Adam punched Jonah, Amy went back to their house with Adam and the girlfriend had just shown up, she was, like, right there and totally showing. Apparently she's super skinny so you can really see the bump. Also, she's totally white and blonde. Mateo says she sounds super basic," Cheyenne said. 

"I agree," Garrett said. "So Jonah is fine, he's staying with me."

"Oh, okay, good," Cheyenne said. "Can you tell him to turn his phone on or whatever? I'm sure Amy will want to call him."

"My phone is dead because the charger was in my apartment and Garrett's phone is an Android not an iPhone," Jonah said. "And my arm is broken and it hurts to breathe --"

"He's got a lot of complaints," Garrett said. "Some are justified, sure, sure. But he also likes to complain."

"Some," Cheyenne said. "Are you two going to be roomies? That's cool. We're all unemployed for, like, two months. I'm kind of excited. Mateo said he might be able to get me some hours at the diner he works at and I'll have tons of time to be with Harmonica. I want to start getting her ready to perform, you know? I think she'd be perfect for kiddie pageants and Bo's mom is so wrong that those things are just for pedophiles and narcissists."

"Yeah, what does Bo's mom know?" Garrett was being calm but Jonah was frowning and shaking his head. 

"I won't do it if Harmonica doesn't want to. She's very assertive. I think she gets that from Bo," Cheyenne said. "Anyway, I'll pass on that charger thing to Amy and let her know she needs to come by your place, Garrett, if she wants to see Jonah. Thanks, bye." 

"Wow," Garrett said. "Look, we can go buy you a charger. You have credit cards."

"I know," Jonah said. His dad had immediately offered to pay Jonah's bills for the next two months. Jonah didn't want to abuse it, but his dad had said he was clear Jonah would need to rack up some major expenses. "I know. I'm complaining, apparently."

"It's fine, dude. Take your afternoon nap, we'll go over to the Kirkwood store after dinner."

"It's a plan," Jonah said. He was exhausted. 

 

_B_ It was another week before he even heard from Amy. He only did because he texted her. 'Phone all charged arm still broke how are you doing?'

She didn't reply for an hour. Finally, she texted 'i am doing shitty. Sorry i haven't called. My life has turned into a telenovela and i hate it. Not you'

'Oh good,' he texted. 'Sorry your life is shitty Are you at your mom's?'

'I am mom and dad. They both think i'm awful but they think it very quietly'

'Maybe they don't think you're awful at all people make mistakes'

'Sure. how are you?'

'Cloud 9 is trying to deny my hospital bills and pills and all my rehab because they say Adam did it all'

'Adam wishes. No, he doesn't, he's very sorry. It was one punch. Are they really?'

'Yup. working on it. You could text me more often for updates'

She texted back okay and a sarcastic face emoji. 

Jonah was okay with it. He really was. He understood where Amy was coming from, mostly. She'd never really talked to him that much about her marriage. He wasn't even sure why they had started the affair, like, he certainly knew on his side why he didn't care about her marriage vows even though he kind of liked Adam. But she had made the first move and he never really understood why. He didn't think he was unattractive, he just didn't think Amy had ever said why she liked him. She teased him a lot, and she also seemed to care about him. He didn't really get her sometimes. She was very straightforward, mostly. 

He was definitely making too much of this. 

He'd been taking Uber everywhere since he broke his arm and it sucked because he was running through his dad's money like it was nothing. Today's errand, though, could reverse that. 

Amy actually texted him as he was heading home. 'Update pls'

'My brother berry knows a lawyer who loves these kind of cases who even lives in st. louis so he is suing cloud 9 luckily i have nakaed pictures'

'Barry is his name and i know how to spell naked,' Jonah texted.

'Why naked pics?'

'I'm actually only topless and in briefs but i took picture of all my bruises etc after i got home from the hospital'

'Why?'

'I've never really been hurt that badly before i wanted to record the event also i was thinking of watching the progression of the bruises so that's helpful because i am clearly way more beat up than one punch from your husband' 

'Ex-husband we're officially doing the do  
The legal stuff   
Adam's gf wants to be able to marry him before the baby is born'

'Well, congrats?'

'Sort of sure' It was the last thing Amy texted him that day. 

It only took ten days for Cloud 9 to cave. Even after Barry's friend took his fee out, Jonah had all his bills paid and enough to cover all his future needs plus some sweet extra for his pain and suffering. Jonah was able to pay his dad back for what he'd spent so far, make a little progress on his student loans from b-school, and even have some left over to put away. 

"I've been saving enough my six month fund is now a ten month fund," Garrett said. 

Jonah said, "You have enough savings you could be out of work for ten months and be fine? You know what you should do? You should take four of those months and get a CD or something," Jonah said. "Or some bonds."

"I'm not interested in gambling my fallback money," Garrett said. 

"CD or bonds, that's not gambling, you're guaranteed to get the money back. Plus more interest than you were making before," Jonah said.

"Which one of your brothers works at a bank?"

"Neither of them," Jonah said. "Barry works for a medical billing company and Daniel works in HR at a very large company."

"That you won't name, that's not suspicious," Garrett said. 

"Costco," Jonah said. "He says working at Cloud 9 is like walking onto a beach with washed up needles and garbage and making sand angels."

"That's a vivid image," Garrett said. "But they both believe in CDs and bonds."

"My mom works for Bank of America," Jonah said. 

"There you go," Garrett said. "Why the hell are you still working for Cloud 9?"

"It's an okay job," Jonah said. "I guess I should look at other places."

"You have an actual college degree and connections and now you have a fallback fund," Garrett said. "Don't be an idiot."

"I really hate applying for jobs, though," Jonah said. 

"That's a good reason," Garrett said. "Who needs decent health care and paid overtime? Not you."

 

_C_ Jonah pulled up to his apartment, or as close as he could get with all the emergency personnel roaming around, and he was already depressed. The whole tornado taking out a chunk of the store sucked. Being trapped with Amy in the pharmacy area for an extra 20 minutes also sucked, not the least because she'd kissed him again and he was super not over her, for a minute he thought maybe she wasn't over him. But she was over him. Jonah looked at the rubble that constituted everything he owned except the clothes on his back and whatever was in his car. 

He thought about keeping driving. Could he pull that off twice? Probably not. He parked and got out of his car and looked for someone responsible. 

Two hours later he'd filled out forms, used his phone to report his losses to his insurance company and then he'd got back in his car. His phone rang and he saw it was his dad. 

It was a week before Amy called. "Hey," she said. "Sorry, I should have called sooner. Wasn't your apartment building one of the ones that was leveled? Where are you now?"

"Connecticut," Jonah said. "I've moved back home, I'm living with my dad."

"Oh," Amy said. "When are you coming back?"

"I'm not," Jonah said. "I've moved back home. I'm applying for jobs, which I hate, and working on applications to business schools, which I also hate, but my dad thinks he can probably swing it. I flunked out of a great school, and my first year was pretty good."

"You just moved home?" Amy sounded upset.

"Everything I own was gone, and you know, not much keeping me in St. Louis. Which is not a dig at you at all, seriously. I don't mean it like in a creepy way. I mean, we broke up." Jonah scratched his knee. "But. Um."

"You moved back to Connecticut. Were you going to tell me?"

"I figured you'd call eventually," Jonah said. "I admit that's kind of an asshole move. But I suck at screwing up. I mean, this isn't the first time I've crawled back home but I was really hoping last time would be the last."

"You didn't screw up here, I thought you were doing pretty good. Even if we did break up," Amy said.

"Thank you, but we both know I wasn't very good at my job," Jonah said. 

"You were better than I ever really said, sorry," Amy said. "I'll miss you."

"You can call and text whenever you want. Even email. I gotta tell you, it's kinda sad how many people I went to highschool with are still here in town. And we're all living at home. At least I left at some point, but some of them are working and just saving on rent," Jonah said. He was sitting at the same desk he'd written his college essays at, paging through job boards. 

"Lot of people I went to highschool with are still around here," Amy said. "I should go. But I will call you, or text, or email. One of those three."

"Wait, how are you?"

"Not, I'm not great. Being divorced sucks, I hate my new place, Adam got his girlfriend pregnant and by the way, was having an affair at the same time I was," Amy said. "That's a real screw up there, not Adam, but both of us. We should have just went to counseling or just gotten separated after Christmas. Instead we both started screwing around." 

"Like a little pun there," Jonah said. "Soooo that all sucks. When is the store back up?"

"Not for another two months. But I really should go, I got a job temping. It's mostly just filing."

"I've applied for a lot of those," Jonah said. He smiled. "Talk to you later, though, right?"

"Yeah," she said. He could tell she was smiling, he knew her voice. 

Thanks to one of Barry's ex-girlfriends, he got a job the next day. He was going to be a receptionist at a plastic surgeon's office. "I feel like this Mateo's dream job," Jonah said, talking to Amy. "Also, I think I got hired because I'm pretty."

"You think Mateo's dream job is a place that hires because of how you look?" Amy paused. She said, "You're probably right. I'll tell him that when I see him."

"I already emailed him," Jonah said. 

"You emailed Mateo?"

"What? We're friends," Jonah said.

"Since when?"

"Since a while," Jonah said. "I mean, he's insanely competitive, but we still get along pretty well."

His dad was thrilled with the receptionist job. "Just call it administrative something or another on those applications." He even took Jonah out shopping for more dapper shirts and pants and ties. They both got nice expensive haircuts. It really was Mateo's dream, and Jonah was stuck living it. 

 

_C_ Jonah ran into the first guy he'd ever made out with one day when he was having lunch out in a little plaza between his building, a second building that was almost entirely law offices and two parking structures. "Ray?"

"Jonah," Ray said, smiling. He was nicely dressed in a less expensive suit than Jonah had on. Jonah hated himself for noticing that. He should definitely stop talking to Mateo so much. 

Ray sat down across from Jonah at the metal table, putting down his lunch. It was from the same deli Jonah had gotten his lunch. Jonah wondered if Ray gotten the sushi, too, because he couldn't figure out if it was good or just much much better than the ones he'd get at Cloud 9 for lunch. 

"Wow, what are you doing here?"

"Well," Jonah said. "You know, honestly, I flunked out business school and I got in my car and just drove and I ended up at a Cloud 9 store in St. Louis, worked there for a year actually, loved it, but then a tornado destroyed the store and my apartment and I'd been dumped so I came crawling home and now I work as a receptionist at the plastic surgeon's on the sixth floor over there because I'm pretty and my brother's ex-girlfriend is one of the nurses. How are you?"

"That's an exciting story," Ray said. "I went as the Cloud 9 cloud cannibal for Halloween last year."

"Popular costume," Jonah said. "My manager met him at a corporate thing and he was absolutely convinced that Kyle couldn't have done it and it had to be the marijuana."

Ray laughed. He had a nice laugh. His skin looked a lot better than when he was 16 and they'd been on debate team together. Not that his skin had been bad, Ray's mom was a dermatologist, if Jonah recalled correctly. But now it was squeaky clean and porcelain soft, if porcelain was light brown. Ray's dad was Cuban. Ray said, "I have no such dramatic story. I went to college, spent a year at law school, hated it, and now I've been a paralegal over on the seventh floor over there ever since then. Actually the same job as when I saw you last, remember? When you got back from, fuck, where were you?"

"I think I was back for my mom's wedding, so I was back from The Hague. I was interning but as always, didn't want the full time version of the job," Jonah said. "My self-esteem is at an all time high, clearly."

"Hey, you know what? You were with someone long enough to get dumped, I haven't had that kind of success since college," Ray said.

"She was married," Jonah said. "We were really only together for about three months. Then she got pregnant and decided to have an abortion which I fully supported and she dumped both of us, her husband and me. Which was a good decision for her."

"Your life is fascinating," Ray said. "I've never gotten anyone pregnant. Which is my subtle way of saying I'm totally out, pretty gay these days. Guessing you're not."

"Nope," Jonah said. "Totally not out, pretty bi. I wouldn't even admit that if you didn't know I'd been with guys. I had a boyfriend my first year at business school, but I wouldn't tell anyone we were dating which was fine with him because he was married. Not really, they lived apart, but he was technically married. No kids, not like Amy. Amy has a kid."

"Okay, we are having a drink after work because I am loving the way you just drop these exciting moments into conversation." 

"That's a very kind way to describe it," Jonah said. "It's a date. It is a date, right?"

"Hopefully," Ray said. "I'm not married, though, I hope you don't mind."

"I'm not actually attracted to married people. It just worked out that way. Twice. And not in a row, I had two completely unmarried girlfriends between those two," Jonah said.

The date with Ray went as expected, in that they had great sex at Ray's apartment and Jonah had to drive home at 4 am so he could be ready for work the next day. 

His dad was already up when Jonah got home. Jonah had no idea why his dad always woke up super early. "Who's the hottie," Jonah's dad said.

Jonah was really tired. "You remember Ray? From debate team? Him. Just ran into him." He remembered that he'd never really told anyone actually about that part of himself. 

"Cool," Jonah's dad said. "Ray's dad is a great insurance broker. I got all of mine through him."

"Okay," Jonah said. "I'm gonna get a little sleep before work."

"Cool," Jonah's dad said. 

That was that, apparently. They even went on a second date. And a third. 

Jonah laid back his bed while he watched Ray get dressed. "You've gotten really good at this," Jonah said. "Although, of course, our first time wasn't fantastic so there was no place to go but up."

"You came," Raymond said, smiling. He had a really nice smile. 

"I was 16, that's not really an accomplishment," Jonah said. 

"I know, I know," Ray said. "But I had some skills." He looked around Jonah's room, moving some stuff on his desk. "Are you really applying to Columbia and NYU? Get your MBA?"

"My dad really wants me to," Jonah said. "I don't want to."

"Then don't do it," Ray said. 

"Then he stops paying my student loans from my last try at business school," Jonah said. "I mean, I'm living rent free and I barely pay for food, so most of my bills are the car and my credit cards, but I'm not making much progress on those."

"You could try. You could just say, hey, I don't want to go to business school," Ray said. "Do you really care about your job? You worked at Cloud 9 for a year."

"I loved Cloud 9," Jonah said. "That was a pretty good job. People are allowed to like retail jobs. It was great, fun people, when the day was over, the day was over."

"I agree," Ray said. "I'm saying you would probably hate the kind of job you would get with an MBA. Or you'd have another breakdown."

"I really want to get upset about that, but it's completely true," Jonah said. 

"Your dad took the whole queer thing pretty well," Ray said.

"Good point, though now I wonder if he just suspected it all along and was waiting for me to say it," Jonah said. "I feel like this is going to be more difficult to accept."

Ray shrugged. "Also," Jonah said. "I've only told Dad. Not Mom, or Barry or Daniel."

"Sandwich it. Hey, everyone, I'm bi, I'm dating a tall, dark and handsome paralegal, and I never want to go to business school," Ray said. He was fully dressed.

"That's not technically a sandwich, that's more two things related to each other and one thing that's not," Jonah said. "Okay. You're right."

It was the sort of thing he would tell Amy, and Amy did know Jonah was not straight. But it felt weird. These were his problems and she had so many things to handle for herself. So he forged ahead without consulting her. Which is how he ended up sending a family email. He really labored over it, more than he had with Dina's apology speech. He read it over a few times and then emailed each family member individually, carefully typing in each email. He was not going to email this one to that recruiter from the temp agency. 

His father just knocked on his door. "You don't want an MBA." 

"No, I don't. Dad, I know --"

"Jonah, it was a very long email," his dad said. "I love you, kid, but no one needs the Magnolia references."

"It was a great movie," Jonah said. 

"Look, it's fine. No MBA for you. But what do you want to do with your life? Be a receptionist for the rest of your life?"

"Sure," Jonah said. "I don't really care. Honestly, I'm just not that ambitious, not that way."

"Okay," his dad said. "Cool." 

Jonah just stared at the door after his dad left. That was a surprise. And he was an idiot.


	3. Chapter 3

_A_ Jonah made extra of everything for breakfast on Amy's first day back at work, he was the provider and he was a much better cook than Amy when it came to breakfast. She smiled as she ate the turkey bacon and egg white omelet and whole wheat toast. She said, "I'm enjoying my conversion class, by the way. Did I already tell you that?"

"You did, but I like hearing it," Jonah said. "Good news."

"I'm gonna check with Glenn and see if I get a few Saturday mornings off and then we can go to the synagogue. Shul. Is it right to call it shul?"

"You said that very well," Jonah said.

"Yes, I did," Amy said. She smiled smugly. He loved that confidence in her. She said, "I told you about my class, right? Isn't it funny we're all Catholic?"

"There's only three of you," Jonah said. "Small sample size."

"The rabbi says he gets a lot of Catholics. Of course, we're all converting for our partners."

"But you're copacetic with the whole being Jewish thing, right? The religion speaks to you. You're not supposed to do it for me, even though I asked you," Jonah said. 

"Of course," she said. Amy pushed herself up out of the chair. "Remember how much fun Cheyenne had working in her last trimester? This is going to be great."

"You'll be great," Jonah said. He smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead. "Don't forget, our health insurance covers therapeutic massage."

"Are you kidding?" Amy smiled wide. "I didn't forget because I didn't know." 

"So that's a happy surprise, I hope work has some, too."

"It won't," Amy said. 

Jonah had the worst time getting used to Amy being back at work. Of course the first day at Cloud 9 was a disaster but he was convinced Amy made it sound like fun when she told him the story. "Cheyenne and Mateo were minions and they hated every minute of it. It was actually hilarious. We actually did Marcus's stupid idea to take a picture and blow it up so people would think the aisle was done."

"I meant to come by after work, but I was afraid of Glenn," Jonah said. 

"You should have been afraid of Jeff's toupee," Amy said.

"I need a picture," Jonah said. 

"I'll try," Amy said. "And now I am going to sleep forever."

It was a week before Amy finally had a Saturday morning free so they could go to synagogue together. It was a nice conservative temple like Jonah had gone to when he was a kid. He liked the services and the rabbi seemed nice. 

Amy said, "I'm so excited to be part of the ladies auxiliary."

"We don't call it that," Jonah said.

"Catholics don't either, I don't even know where that term came from."

"Baptists?" 

Sunday he fell asleep before she got home. She barely stirred when he woke up Monday morning. "I love you, wife. Don't forget to pick up your daughter after school."

Most of Jonah's peers were women, in fact, at his office, everyone else in his position was a woman. He didn't mind, and it wasn't like there weren't women working above him. He didn't really feel like he fit in, but that was a feeling he was used to. Everyone was talking about football, Sunday's games and Monday Night Football. Half of the women who worked there were joining right in. One of them had won the fantasy football league the year before. One of the guys asked him if he'd watched this weekend. 

"I'm not into football. I like basketball. Baseball. Olympic sports," he said. 

"So no plans for Monday night," the guy said.

"Well, actually, my stepdaughter is, my wife has custody of her from tonight until Thursday so we'll probably watch something on the CW, I don't know, with vampires, maybe?"

"You have a stepdaughter. You're 20," the guy said.

"Older than that," Jonah said. "My wife was married, uh, her first marriage she was really young. She was 19 when she had Emma."

"Man, you've got a whole weird life going on there," the guy said. 

"Not weird," Jonah said quietly. 

He spent the rest of the day listening to the two ladies next to him talk about a wedding they'd watched on VH1, do their work, talk about This Is Us for over an hour, do their work, talk about a friend of one of the women, do their work, talk more about This Is Us, quietly complain about the current presidential administration, and then do more work. They were both very good at their jobs, better than Jonah but he really missed getting to be part of the discussion. It just took time, he thought. He didn't have trouble making friends, he never did. It just took time. 

Emma was surly which not a change. Amy was very clear that they were not going to tolerate Emma being a jerk, but Jonah was basically best at compassion and awkward. While Amy cooked dinner, Emma said to Jonah, "I like you better than Dad's girlfriend."

"Thank you," Jonah said. "I haven't met your dad's girlfriend."

"You probably won't. She thinks you're an asshole," Emma said.

"That's a little pot calling the kettle black I think," Jonah said. He tried not to pout. 

"She thinks you were trying to be Dad's friend," Emma said. 

"I mostly never saw him," Jonah said. "I just know, I just want you and your mom to be happy."

"Yup," Emma said.

"And even the very few times I met your father, I think it was clear he cared about you being happy, it's very important to him," Jonah said. Amy was still cooking. "You know, Amy, I could have made dinner."

"I'm just seven months pregnant, I'm not incapable," Amy said.

"No, I just meant I get home from work before you do," Jonah said. 

"Dork," Emma said.

"Hey, should we start watching This Is Us?"

"God, no," Amy said. "My mom watches it and that's enough for this family. She calls me crying about it and I already cry at commercials for cell phones."

"They talk about it a lot at work," Jonah said.

"Do you want to watch it so you can fit in?" Emma looked very serious. She patted his hand. "Don't give in to peer pressure."

"Thanks for the tip," Jonah said. "I'll remember that."

"Don't let them talk you into smoking cigarettes," Amy said. 

"Okay," Jonah said. "Message received."

When they were in bed, Amy said, "Don't forget, it took you a while to make friends at Cloud 9, too."

"They're all very nice. I just miss my friends at work," Jonah said. "My old work."

Amy snuggled as close as she could get with her pregnancy pillow and how much she suddenly decided she hated anyone sleeping near her back. "Jonah, maybe you could get a therapeutic massage."

In the morning he checked Emma's French homework and let Amy make breakfast. She always wanted to cook when she had Emma. He loved her. He loved that she put her daughter first. And he loved that she was starting to put herself first, too. 

The next day at work, one the ladies next to him asked him about his stepdaughter. It was nice to have a topic to talk about. Though he was trying to avoid mentioning the whole having an affair and the recency of Amy's divorce. But he was definitely starting to make friends. He loved talking about Emma and Amy. He mentioned that Amy had forbidden any watching of This Is Us and they both laughed. 

Friday, he had his 90 day review. He'd forgotten to tell Amy about it though he kept meaning to. He figured he was worrying about it enough for both of them. Maybe Amy wouldn't worry, she'd gotten most of her reviews from Glenn, she probably didn't get how reviews worked in the real world. 

Jonah sat down and nervously adjusted his tie. His supervisor said, "You're a very nervous person, Jonah."

"I can work on that," Jonah said.

His supervisor laughed. "Not a criticism. Jonah, relax. You're doing perfectly fine. We're all happy with your work, just a few areas you need to work on."

"Okay, good, good," Jonah said. "This is kind of my first real review. My boss at Cloud 9 just loved everyone."

"Good for him," his supervisor said. 

When he got home, he started telling Amy about it. She said, "Why didn't you tell me? I can't believe you weren't exploding in anxiety."

Jonah shrugged. "I wasn't that anxious, though my supervisor did call me a nervous person."

"You are a nervous person," Amy said. She suddenly smiled at him. "I'm sorry, I don't mean it in a bad way."

"What's the good way I should take exploding in anxiety and you are a nervous person?" He closed his eyes and put his hands on his knees. "Sorry."

"Why are you apologizing? I'm the bitch," Amy said. "I don't take enough time for you. I'm sorry. You should have told me so I could be a bitch to you earlier in the week and get it over with."

"In front of Emma?" He smiled at her. "It's fine. It's good."

She ran her hand up his thigh. "Apologetic blowjob?"

"Out here in the living room?"

"Why not? It's just the two of us," she said. "But you have to move because I can't exactly get on my knees right now."

"Well okay," he said. 

 

_B_ Amy resolutely hated her life. It just sucked. She was one of those people that her parents would talk about and tell the story like, can you believe people live like this? Do that sort of thing?

She was unemployed and she didn't even have to leave her room. She stayed in bed too much. She only had energy the days she had custody of Emma, then she showered and cooked and did things.

She had to do something. She called Jonah. He was incredibly quick to answer. She hadn't even talked to him in person for a month and he still took her call every time. She sighed. He invited her over for dinner with Garrett. She agreed because it was a reason to shower and change that day. Because it was Jonah. Jonah always made her happy. 

Jonah and Garrett had a nice place and it was nice to talk to someone she wasn't related to. Jonah still had the cast and he was a little loopy from the pain pills. Jonah said, "How's Emma?"

"She's okay. She hates us. She hates me a little less. And I felt bad. I mean, we suck. But then I was like, you know what, Emma, you can hate us all you want and think we're awful but in the morning, you're going to wake up and we'll still be your parents. We'll be the ones worrying about your college fund and making sure you get everything you need for school and eat every day, so, you know, shut up," Amy said.

Jonah said, "Did you say shut up to her?"

"Actually, yes. It worked, too, she's been much more respectful. I think she actually needed one of us to stop acting guilty and be a damn parent."

Garrett even made her laugh and Jonah made some kind of weird dish involving curry and venison from a recipe he'd found on a blog that was actually tasty, but Amy was afraid to ask about the ingredients. Jonah would probably read the entire blog entry to her and she would bet it used the words artisanal.

Garrett said he had to go. "I'm leaving the address Dina gave me because I have no idea where it is and if I'm not back by six am, I want you to know my last location."

"You're concerned you might die, but you're heading out anyway," Amy said. "She must be amazing in bed. Really, Dina, amazing in bed?"

"She is," Garrett said. "I know, I'm a little shocked. I love women with big --"

Jonah said, "Menageries of birds?"

"I think he meant tits," Amy said.

"Amy's right," Garrett said. He waved as he left.

Jonah said, "He really does have plans with Dina, if he were trying to leave us alone he would just say that."

"I know," Amy said. "I wanted to tell you. I had an abortion. Like, if I hadn't, I'd actually be about as far along as Adam's stupid girlfriend. I don't know why I didn't tell you. I wasn't scared of what you'd say or anything like that. Everything was so dramatic when you talk about it, but the day to day didn't feel dramatic. It felt like my life and I was just avoiding facing any of it." She looked at her hands on the table and not him. She had pink nails because she'd taken Emma to get a manicure. Emma had gotten bright purple. "I should have been talking to at least one of the guys I was in love with."

Jonah took a deep breath. He said, "Okay. Okay. If you had asked me, I would have said maybe talk to Adam. I don't know if it would have saved your marriage. Because then maybe all of this, the divorce, would have been more peaceful. Or easier for Emma. And I would have supported any decision you made, you know that, right?"

"I know," Amy said. She looked over at him and then took his hand. "I know you would have. And I just, I don't know. I used to be really honest and mostly direct. I just lost my way a little. Mostly with you and Adam."

"I don't think you were dishonest or indirect, mostly. Okay, a little. I would have appreciated you talking to me a little more when we were together. But after we break up works, too," Jonah said.

"Did we break up? I guess we did," Amy said. "I probably should have talked to you about that." 

"Well, this is the first day we've talked face to face and not in texts for 37 days. I wasn't counting, but I think it's 37," Jonah said.

Amy shrugged. "Do you want to get back together?"

"Of course," Jonah said.

"Great," Amy said. She smiled. "Okay. Maybe we can do the rest of this in your room?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jonah said. "I just have to, gimme a minute."

Amy went into Jonah's room to wait. She was actually excited about something for once. She took off her jeans and her shirt. Jonah had a bed and new sheets and a new comforter. There was an old bookshelf that had two empty shelves and then two had some clothes. Three pairs of khakis, three pairs of jean, two pairs of sweats, a few t-shirts. She opened the closet door and saw five plaid shirts hanging there, and two pairs of sneakers at on the floor. She wondered if he had condoms. She opened the two drawers and saw underwear and socks. Underneath that was, finally, a box of condoms. She recognized the brand Jonah used.

She was holding the box and she could hear the dishwasher going and now Jonah was moving furniture. One working arm and he was still rearranging the living room. He came in and said, "Hi. Hi. So we're talking in our underwear."

"I figured we were having sex," Amy said. "Do you not want to have sex?"

"I absolutely want to have sex," Jonah said. "I was kinda hoping we could talk, too. Do more talking. But also sex. With you. Is one of my favorite things." He sat down next to her on the bed. He painstakingly took off his t-shirt and then Amy pulled on the waistband on his sweatpants.

"I'm not wearing underwear," Jonah said. "I've gotten lazy about some things because of the broken arm and bruised ribs."

"Works for me," Amy said. She kissed him and he kissed her back. She felt alive and electric, everything warm and fizzy. She reached down for his penis, he was already getting hard. She bent over and licked a long stripe from base to tip.

Jonah said, "Oh, okay. Good, thanks." She really liked giving Jonah blowjobs, he was so loudly appreciative. He made her feel like she was good at it. Jonah kept saying "Fuck" and "Good" as she took him in her mouth, her wet hands on his balls and behind. She moved off him before he came, she could tell he was starting to get close.

He kissed her again, a tiny bite on her lips and she reached down to get her underwear off.

"No, no," Jonah said. "That's probably how you got pregnant last time, let me, you can get pregnant from pre ejaculate." He reached over and came back with one of those Trader Joe's face wipes and went all over her hands.

"This is, you know, you can be like this and somehow I still want to have sex with you," Amy said.

"I don't want you getting pregnant again," Jonah said.

"No, I like it. You're so you, you don't even try to be anything else, and you're so optimistic and compassionate." She kissed him, holding his jaw.

"That's why you like me?" He had the most lovely smile.

"Pretty much," Amy said. She put the condom on his penis and kissed him again. He was so skinny, more than he usually was. She hovered her fingers over the bruises on his ribs, hip and upper thigh. "Let's do this side saddle."

"I'll do some research, better positions," Jonah said as she lowered herself on top of him feeling him fill her and he fit right inside her and made her stretch and it was so good. His hips started moving pushing up and he grabbed her breast, rough like she liked and she kissed his neck, gripping his shoulder.

He made his ridiculous even more wide eyed expression as he came and then it was her hand and his between her legs until she came. She breathed slowly against his chest. She said, "Okay, I'll get rid of the condom."

She came back from the bathroom after a warm wet towel. "I actually picked up this trick from a hooker. I mean, I read about it." She cleaned him off. "But it was supposed to be before sex. Because some of the johns, I guess, didn't have the best hygiene, and she would wash them with a hot cloth so they felt good and also much less gross."

"Thanks for sharing that," Jonah said. "It reminds me of when we first met and I accidentally compared you to a hooker."

"That wasn't an accident," Amy said. She got in bed next to him, grabbing her phone to text her mom that she'd be home in the morning. Jonah was texting, too. "Who are you texting?"

"Garrett," Jonah said. "So he knows you're here in the morning."

"Why were you moving around furniture?" Amy pulled up the covers and looked at him. "Little redecorating before sex?"

"We don't usually have the dinner table there. Garrett comes home late, worn out, he has a straight shot to his bedroom like he usually does," Jonah said. He looked over at her. "I never knew why you liked me. I like us talking, I'm a fan."

"I liked you enough to break my marriage vows," Amy said.

"Yeah, but it could have been that I was conveniently standing there, clearly attracted to you, when you needed to be free," Jonah said.

"It wasn't," Amy said. "I mean, you make it sound like I was going eeny meeny miney moe between you and Marcus."

"I would expect to win that," Jonah said.

She slept over at Jonah and Garrett's a lot after that, basically every night she didn't have Emma. She'd watch Jonah apply for jobs while she worked on her college homework. She would tell him to sit up straight. "Your cover letter will be better if you're sitting up straight, I truly believe that."

A week before they were supposed to go back to work at Cloud 9, Jonah said, "You know, I know you want to move out of your parents' place and I'd like to give Garrett his place back. We could conceivably get a place together. Like a two bedroom, or a three bedroom place."

"Why would we have three bedrooms?"

Jonah said, "Well, then you would have your room and I'd have my room and then there's one for Emma."

"Why wouldn't we have the same bedroom?" Amy frowned at him.

"Because then I'm asking you to move in with me and I'm not sure we're there yet," Jonah said.

"Hey, we're talking now, right? Why aren't we there yet?"

"We had sex for half a year or so, then we didn't see each other 37 days --"

"You will always hold onto that count, won't you?"

"I like to be accurate," Jonah said. "And now we've been dating for a month. And you're not just moving in with me, you're moving yourself and Emma in with me. What if we break up? What if you wake up one morning and start thinking of all the experiences you haven't had since you went from Adam to me with some overlap."

"Oh, God, that's a good point. Let's wait on moving in together," she said.

"Absolutely," Jonah said. He looked a little sad around the eyes. He shouldn't have been so persuasive. He said, "I'm still getting a two bedroom. Which you're totally welcome at."

 

_C_ Amy was driving home on a little high so she called Jonah before she remembered it was midnight in Connecticut and he worked a nine to five job. Or whatever hours plastic surgeon offices had. He answered quickly. "Hey, Amy, how are you?"

"Oh my god, Jonah, I seriously have so much store stuff to tell you. How are you?"

"Good enough, dish away," Jonah said. She could almost see him smiling.

"Okay, Richmond Heights? The assistant manager freaking od'd, and is in the hospital, and also fired because he did it in his car while it was still in motion and he ran over a lamp in the parking lot. Then, the manager, who was also using drugs and apparently dealing on the side? Killed himself."

"That's so awful," Jonah said.

"Yeah, of course, but. Jeff comes to our early emergency meeting and guess who they picked to be manager for Richmond Heights?"

"You?"

Amy laughed. "Oh, no, thank god. Dina. Jeff hates Dina, but if you need someone to clean up a store, you go with Dina. And she takes Mateo as her assistant manager, Garrett and Brett and some guys you don't know. And some of it might be temporary, but basically, in the first hour, Dina announced she was doing drug tests and 25 people quit. Dina still thinks she's going to have to fire people tomorrow after the tests are all done. So basically, we're down an assistant manager and five associates and who knows if we'll get those four associates back."

"So you're assistant manager at our store?" He laughed. "I mean your store."

"Oh, yeah, work for Glenn or work for Dina? Which would you choose?"

Jonah said, "But Dina is so decisive, you have to admire that."

"Ha, admire from afar," Amy said. "Plus, I told Glenn I wanted a raise. After all, no more Dina and at least one associate, there's budget space for me to move on up in money money money."

"Congratulations," Jonah said.

"And I called Dina and Mateo and told 'em to do the same thing," Amy said.

"Wait, Mateo didn't have trouble transferring stores? Because --"

"Oh, because he's illegal and you knew and never told me?" Amy had reached her apartment but she sat in the parking lot on her phone.

"It wasn't really my place," Jonah said. "I guess his new boyfriend really did find a way."

"I don't know that something shady didn't happen, but yes, Mateo's new immigration lawyer boyfriend seems to have gotten him an actual green card and put him on the road to citizenship. I tell you what, though, I miss Garrett and Brett so much," Amy said.

"But you got yourself a raise," Jonah said.

"And I get to hire the new associates to replace the ones we lost woo hoo," Amy said.

"This is incredibly exciting," Jonah said.

"So," Amy said. "How are you? How's the boyfriend?"

"Oh, we broke up," Jonah said.

"You don't sound sad. Did you do the dumping this time?"

"No, I was broken up with. But he was really nice about it. You know, after three months, it was his longest relationship ever. And he didn't want to settle down, and I do, like, Ray doesn't plan to settle down until his 40s probably. And I'm ready right now," Jonah said. "So it's fine. It wasn't super serious, we were never a I love you type of a relationship."

"Sorry," Amy said. "I love yous are nice."

"It's okay, it was pretty easy going."

Amy said, "Are you getting a new boyfriend?"

"I don't know," Jonah said. "I'm kinda just hanging loose right now, seeing what comes my way. Although Ray did buy me a session with a psychic who he says is amazing at giving you life guidance. I told my mom and she bought me a session with a life coach career counselor, so I can have a real person's opinion. So soon I will have some real solid life goals."

"Who gives a gift of a time with a psychic? That's just weird," Amy said.

"But he was great in bed," Jonah said. "How about you?"

"I don't know if I'm great in bed," Amy said.

"I thought you were," Jonah said. "I meant, are you seeing anyone?"

"Uh, I've been on a few dates," Amy said. "Nothing goes anywhere, really. I just want, I don't know what I want."

"You can have my session with the psychic," Jonah said.

"That'd be a laugh," Amy said. She looked around the empty parking lot and started to get spooked. "Okay, so I'm going to keep talking to you until I get to my apartment and inside, okay?"

"Works for me. So my work is incredibly dull, by the way. The main feedback I've gotten on my work is to make sure I get my eyebrows done. Also, I'm supposed to lie and say I'm using this eyelash product which I'm not. They're my actual eyelashes," Jonah said.

"I would kill for your eyelashes, geez," Amy said.

"Thank you, but it's just genetics," Jonah said. "Which isn't something I'm allowed to admit to the patients, or clients as we call them."

She opened the door and looked around the room. She had a nightlight in her living room because she wasn't used to living alone. She did a quick search and scan. "What product are you supposed to lie and say you're using? Cause maybe I'll give that a try."

"Since when do you care about your eyelashes? You're beautiful, Amy, and the product can change the color of your eyes. Just say no," Jonah said.

"Fine," Amy said. "I'm safe now. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"I promise," Jonah said.

Five days later she got a package from Jonah with small samples of the eyelash serum. He was a good guy.

"Who were you for Halloween?" Jonah sounded genuinely interested on the phone.

"I sent you a picture, admit you didn't recognize it," Amy said. She was really growing fond of their late night phone conversations.

"I did recognize it, I just, okay, you were Selena, right? The one who was murdered?"

Amy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that sums up her life. Dina wore her same vice cop costume, according to Garrett. Thank God, we have him back at the store."

"I heard," Jonah said.

"Right, you're totally wired in to the inner workings of Cloud 9 in St. Louis," Amy said.

"No, I'm only in touch with you and Garrett and Mateo," Jonah said. "I wasn't allowed to wear a costume. I was going to go out, but the only party I got invited to was Ray's and you know, the last time I went to party with Ray he hooked up with two different guys and I don't begrudge him that, we broke up, but it's less fun than you might think."

"When did you go to a party where he hooked up with two guys?"

"Last week," Jonah said.

"Ray goes to a lot of parties," Amy said. "Definitely not your guy for the long term."

"Well, Halloween, his birthday, but yes. At least one a week," Jonah said. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"You can keep asking," she said. She was inside her apartment. She didn't bother to turn on any other light, her nightlight was enough for her to lock up and get to her bedroom. She turned on the light by her bed. "Do you really want to know?"

"On the one hand, yes, I am a little jealous of anyone who gets to spend time with you, on the other hand, just like I wish Ray only happiness, I wish that for you even more," Jonah said.

"We have to start facetiming, or skyping," Amy said. She took off her sneakers and rubbed her feet. She laid back on the bed. "I want to see your face when you say stuff like that."

"Shoot me for my sincerity," Jonah said. "You know, I never asked, but I assume you have a gun."

"I had a 22, a gift from my uncle, but I sold it when Emma was ten because she was just old enough to think she could handle a gun but wouldn't be," Amy said. "Anyway, I actually went on four dates with the same guy, including having sex, but then he started talking about how smart he thought Bill O'Reilly was so I was like, thumbs down."

"Understandable," Jonah said.

"You could date women," Amy said.

"Probably will," Jonah said. "Have a good night."

He called or she called twice a week. She didn't ask if it was as often as he talked to Mateo or Garrett but she bet he talked to her more. Cheyenne told her, "Maybe if you talked to Jonah less, you'd find a good guy. Like, you're already committed in a way, your heart is elsewhere."

"My heart is right here," Amy said. "Right here in my body, not committed to anyone."

"Okay," Cheyenne said. "You tell yourself that."

Jonah called in early December. He said, "Hey. I wanted to call."

"And you did," Amy said. "You called two days ago, it was probably my turn."

"No, I mean, I know, if you'd stayed pregnant, you would have been due any day now, right?" He sounded serious and quiet.

She knew he was right, she'd felt the time passing in her head. Amy said, "I know, because Adam's wife is due any day now."

"He already got married?"

"She wanted it, according to him. It wasn't a big ceremony, she just wanted her baby not to be a bastard, which is something she said right in front of Emma," Amy said. "They're having a boy, naming the poor guy David."

"David Dubanowski? That's not, that's not great," Jonah said.

"If Emma had been a boy, he wanted to name her David and I told him it was not happening," Amy said.

"I don't feel regret about anything, but a little twinge of something, you know?" She really wished she could see his face. She missed his face.

"I know that twinge," Amy said. "And the absolutely no regrets. But I'm good, we're good."

"Of course," Jonah said. "We're great."

They started talking about Stranger Things 2, which Jonah had a really weird critique of and Amy and Emma had loved. Then she said goodbye, and he said goodbye. She laid back on her bed with the lights off and watched the lights cross her room as cars down below turned the corner by her window. She was good. She was assistant manager, she was making semi-decent money, she and Glenn had managed to make some tiny incremental differences at the store. Emma was doing well, Adam wasn't her problem. She had friends. She'd had sex and dated a few guys. She was good.

She still missed Jonah.


	4. Chapter 4

_A_ Amy's water broke at home which was exactly what she wanted. She would not have this baby at Cloud 9. Jonah drove her and then everything was moving very fast and she lost track of everything that wasn't painful and giving birth. It went faster than Emma, she was only in active labor for a few hours and the girl almost slipped right out if slipping involved intense pain and pushing. She blinked and tried to concentrate past the pain and Jonah was smiling at her, putting the baby at her breast. "Right, right," Amy said. Jonah pushed the hair out of her face. "Right," Amy said.

Jonah's health care really was amazing, she stayed overnight and the nurses were so nice. Jonah came in and sat down on the bed. He said, "We're out of here tomorrow."

"Did my mom come?" She was wincing slightly, she'd forgotten how fun going to the bathroom was after having a baby. It was a horrible nightmare, no wonder she'd blocked it out. 

Jonah said, "Yeah, she was here this morning. With Emma, and your dad and your sister and your brother and then Cheyenne and Garrett and Glenn and Jerusha --"

"Jonah, stop listing. I know she was here this morning, I remember all those people showing up, I had my baby, not a lobotomy. I meant, has she come back? She said she was going back to the condo."

"Yeah, she went back. Hey, guess who flew in this morning?" Jonah looked pained. She hated him. She loved him so deeply, but she hated him. 

"Who?"

"My mom is here. She does this, for all her grandchildren. Don't worry, she has a hotel room, she's not staying with us. But she'll be coming by to help," Jonah said.

"Why does she just show up?"

Jonah said, "I told you, she does this for her grandchildren. And all my brothers' wives love her. It will be fine, I'm sure."

"I've never met her before and she meets me like this," Amy said. "She's gonna ask what we're going to name the baby."

"Maybe we should settle that," Jonah said. 

The baby made noises so Amy picked her up and opened her gown. At least the baby latched quickly. Emma had taken more time. "I don't know," Amy said. 

"Her last name is Sosa Simms. Her middle name is Guadalupe after your grandmother. We just need a first name, it's not that bad," Jonah said.

"I think she's going to look at us and we'll know," Amy said. 

"Okay," Jonah nodded. He stood up and started gathering things in her room. His hair was falling in his face and he looked like he was all of 15 years old. 

The baby had suddenly had enough. She handed the baby to him and he took her nervously, but expertly. He had taken classes and watched a lot of youtube tutorials. "I love you," he said. 

"Me or the baby?"

"Collective you," Jonah said. "Isn't it sad English doesn't have a collective you?"

"A tragedy," she said. 

They still didn't have a name while they were driving home from the hospital. Amy sat in the back with Lulu, Amy was calling her Lulu in her head. Jonah drove very cautiously. 

By the time she was in the condo she felt overwhelmed and in pain again and everything was just technicolor super feelings. She needed to go the bathroom, her mother was there, some strange woman who was probably Jonah's mother was there and she really didn't want to go the bathroom. 

Jonah's mother introduced herself as Rebecca and said, "Where do you want to go?"

Amy went to the bathroom and practically wept. Rebecca let herself in and started fussing around. Amy was going to complain but then Rebecca was doing something, rubbing Amy's hands and she felt better. "Don't worry," Rebecca said. "I've done this six times, I've got all sorts of tricks."

It was a blur of a week. Everything revolved around Lulu. She barely slept. Her mother and Rebecca were sweethearts who just showed up and did things and she didn't notice, but it was nice. Jonah was right there, too. 

She was the worst wife in the world. She didn't make him feel loved and he would almost certainly leave her for someone who actually gave a damn about him.

She was probably wrong. Probably. 

Amy said, "You go back to work on Monday, right?" 

Jonah nodded. "But don't worry, my mom is staying for another two weeks."

"I love your mom," Amy said. "She's the best. Why do you like your dad more?"

Jonah smiled. "I guess I hadn't had a baby before."

"What are we naming the baby?"

"How about Lucy?"

Amy hugged the baby close to her. "I don't know."

"We're already calling her Lulu, Lucy is good. Lucy Guadalupe Sosa Simms. Lucy Sosa Simms. Emma and Lucy," Jonah said. 

"Okay," Amy said. 

"Shouldn't you be more than just okay?" Jonah looked exhausted. 

"I'm thrilled, I like Lucy, is that enough for you?" Amy tried to smile.

"We can table it," Jonah said. 

"Please sit with me," she said. "Don't be upset." 

Jonah leaned his head against her shoulder. He touched Lulu's cheek. "You don't have to worry if I'm upset."

"Of course I fucking do, I love you."

Sunday night, Rebecca brought a framed picture of Amy and the baby for Jonah to put on his desk. Amy actually didn't hate how she looked. 

Amy's mom picked up Emma from school and Rebecca immediately charmed her, of course. Amy made every effort to be a decent mother to her teenager. She was pretty sure it was incredibly unsuccessful. She was completely unprepared for Christmas and then she remembered she was Jewish now so she didn't have to do anything. 

"We have to buy gifts for everyone," Amy said.

"We already did," Jonah said. "You got all that stuff for Emma on Cyber Monday, I got that thing for your parents."

"What about Lulu? Did we get her something?"

Jonah looked at her making his confused face. He said, "She's two weeks old."

"What did you get your parents?"

"I usually get them a very nice card," Jonah said. 

"We should get your mom something. And Barry who paid for all this," Amy said.

"I paid for this. I'm paying him back slowly for the down payment and he only paid half of that, I'm made all the mortgage payments," Jonah said. "I'm not Adam."

"Sorry," Amy said. She sniffled. "Sorry."

Jonah waved his hand. "It's fine, Amy, it's fine. Any suggestions? I can look while I'm at work." He stood up and grabbed his messenger bag. He took out something. "The girls at work got this. For you. There's nipple cream, and some onesies. And a gift certificate for $50 at a baby store. It's a really nice one."

"That's so nice," she said. "Glenn got us a bible."

"That's nice of him," Jonah said, nodding his head. 

Sheila had her baby and they did name him David. "Not a great name," Amy said.

"I don't like the alliteration," Rebecca said. "I like Emma, that's a lovely name."

"I can't believe you have seven grandchildren, you look very young," Amy said.

"And the oldest is 12," Rebecca said. 

"That's insane," Amy said. 

"Do you want to take Lulu?" 

Amy nodded and handed over the baby. "Her name should be Lucia. We can call her Lucy or Lulu, but I think her first name should be Lucia. I wonder how complicated it is to change the birth certificate."

"I don't think Jonah finalized anything," Rebecca said.

"He was supposed to," Amy said. She tugged at her ugly nursing tank top. "Why didn't he?"

"He thought you weren't sure about Lucy," Rebecca said. She was so calm. She didn't look a lot like Jonah, but sometimes Amy could see it, in her eyes.

"Is this normal? I don't remember," Amy said, leaning back and closing her eyes.

"Well," Rebecca said. "Your body spent ten months rearranging itself to nurture and give birth to this little girl and now your body is trying to heal and also ready to feed baby, so it's a lot. And you just got married and you didn't want to. So there's a lot going on."

"I didn't not want to get married," Amy said. "I love Jonah."

"I know," Rebecca said. "He told me why you got married." Lulu made a noise and Amy opened her eyes as Rebecca rocked her. "But." Rebecca looked Amy straight in the eye. "Things might not be normal. We should be on the lookout for post-partum depression."

"In me?"

Rebecca shrugged. "Sure. It happens, it's not a judgment, or karmic, but if you're feeling more than overwhelmed, you should say something to me or your mom or Jonah. You don't have to be miserable."

"You sound so much like Jonah when you say that," Amy said. 

Rebecca left after three weeks and Amy missed her so much. Her mom was great, but she fussed. She made Amy feel so young sometimes. Jonah thought co-sleeping was a good idea and Amy agreed, so they were never alone, even in bed. She had no idea what he was doing at work, or how he felt about being a father. 

She said, "Do you like being a father?"

"Of course," Jonah said. He was wearing the baby in some sling thing one of the women at work had recommended to him. Lulu was asleep and Jonah was stirring a pot of spaghetti sauce. "Can you take this?"

Amy started stirring while Jonah stepped away. Jonah said, "It's funny that she's darker than you, like Emma. Am I allowed to say that? I've been trying to read up on being a parent to a child of color."

"You're allowed to say that," Amy said. "I'm kind of glad she is. Like Emma. I don't know, I don't know what it's like to pass. I know how to be visibly not white."

"Yeah, it's all very complicated," Jonah said. He was cuddling Lulu, they looked so sweet. "I just want to not fail."

"There isn't a test," Amy said. "We're doing okay so far. But like, this is your first kid. I just wondered."

He looked at her and then back to the baby. "Um, I don't know. I really love her. I could totally punch Mateo now if he even implied he would say something slightly mean about her. But I can measure my emotions in more than violent impulses. I think about her all the time. Constantly. I wonder if she's going to be okay."

Amy nodded. "I love you, by the way. I was in love with you when we got pregnant. So if that counts for anything."

"I love you, too," Jonah said. He seemed kind of withdrawn, though. Her fault. She kept trying and failing. 

 

_B_ Being back with Jonah, and back at work, Amy felt like she was a ship that had been listing from side to side and was now sailing ahead, straight up and down. Jonah really liked shows with boats. They'd watched all of Black Sails over the summer. 

She was a steady boat. She could deal with Dina flipping out a little. She could deal with Brett not being dead. She could even deal with Emma wanting to work at Cloud 9. "Just one day a week, Mom."

"Why?"

"I want my own money," she said. 

"It's not much money, honey," Amy said. 

Emma just said, "Please?" so Amy caved. 

She was actually happy. Some nights she was alone, some nights she had Emma, some nights she went over to Jonah's new two bedroom and woke up there. She had a bunch of clothes there, and some books from her courses. 

Then one day, Jonah drove her and himself to an emergency meeting and suddenly Amy was assistant manager, Dina and Mateo were at a different store and Garrett and Jonah were temporarily re-assigned. 

Amy negotiated herself more money and called Mateo to tell him to do the same. Mateo said, "Yeah, I get it. Okay, thanks."

She drove over to Richmond Heights to get Jonah at the end of his first day. He said, "That was crazy."

"Are you going back tomorrow?"

"I'm going back every day for the next two weeks at least," Jonah said. "Basically half the staff is gone. They've pulled in some other associates from other stores, too. And Dina has Mateo going on a hiring spree. They're actually going to be drug testing every applicant which will weed out some of them."

"That was a lot today," Amy said.

"I'm exhausted," Jonah said. 

He really was. He was usually up for sex but this time he went straight to sleep. His arm was still healing, though his ribs were much better. Basically okay. She watched him sleep. 

She liked being Assistant Manager. She liked that she could get Glenn to make some small changes that made things easier for the associates. She liked Alisha the new shift supervisor. Things were good. She made it through two weeks. She barely saw Jonah which sucked so much. 

Cheyenne said to her, "Maybe you could finally date someone else. I mean, 14 years of Adam, and now straight to Jonah. I mean, I dated around a lot before Bo so I feel good about it, but did you ever date before Adam?"

"Yes, I did. I didn't start dating Adam until I was a senior in high school, I dated a lot," Amy said. 

"But don't you want, like, other guys? Girls?"

Amy shook her head. She said, "I don't know."

"That's why you should take advantage of Jonah being away," Cheyenne said. "Find out."

"He's working at another store, he hasn't moved to another state," Amy said. 

"Sure, whatever," Cheyenne said. 

Amy rolled her eyes at Cheyenne. Then, of course, she couldn't stop thinking about it. She found herself staring at certain customers, and one or two of the new hires. She sighed. She couldn't, she did love Jonah. She found him attractive. She loved having sex with him. 

She picked him up from work. She said, "Please tell me you're done with all these doubles."

"I'm actually getting paid for overtime," Jonah said. "It's unbelievable."

"So you're done or not done?"

"Garrett's done," Jonah said. "He hates driving out here."

"So you're staying," Amy said.

"I'm considering it," Jonah said. 

"I like seeing you," Amy said. "You really like working for Dina? And Mateo?"

"They're not so bad," Jonah said. 

"Are you, is there a girl there you like or something?" She hated the sound of her voice. 

Jonah sighed. "No." 

They didn't say anything until she got to Jonah's apartment. She said, "Can I come up?"

"Of course you can," Jonah said. "Do you think we're breaking up?"

"Are we?" She followed him up the stairs. He opened the door and held it for her. 

"I don't know, Amy, are we?" Jonah went straight to his fridge and started making his dinner. 

"Did Cheyenne talk to you?" 

"No," Jonah said. "But I assume she talked to you about the same stuff she's talked to me about since the store's re-opened. She thinks I should be worried about you running off to explore all your possibilities."

"I don't think like that," Amy said. "I swear I don't."

"Okay," Jonah said. "How do you think? Do you think you want to be with me?"

"I thought we settled that," Amy said. "I told you why I liked you and I have told you."

"Yup, telling me once was more than enough," Jonah said. "Amy, my arm hurts and I just want to take my hillbilly heroin and go to sleep."

"Do you want me to stay?"

Jonah had made a sandwich. He took a few bites and then said, "I always want you to stay."

Amy went into his bedroom and took off her shoes and pants and shirt. She took off her bra and laid on the bed. She heard Jonah brushing his teeth and using the bathroom. Then he got in bed next to her. He said, "Sorry, all these doubles are killing me."

"You don't need to apologize," Amy said. "Maybe I should."

"Why? I'm the one being the asshole." Jonah said. "I've been trying to wean myself off the pills, you know? I don't want to be the part of the opioid epidemic."

"I am a bad girlfriend," Amy said. 

"I don't think so," Jonah said.

"I don't care about threesomes or other guys or other girls, I swear," Amy said.

"I bet you care a little," Jonah said. 

Amy cuddled closer to him, still avoiding the side that had been injured. She said, "My relationship with Adam was never great, you know? I thought it was. I didn't have much to compare it to. We were always struggling. We focused so much more on Emma than on each other. And I let Adam be spoiled and I got to complain. And we both told each other we had a good marriage, but it turns out we sucked at being in a relationship. What I want, what I really want, is to be better than that. With you. Even if you are a part of the opioid epidemic."

He kissed her and she tasted peppermint. She said, "Can we have sex in the morning?"

"Sure," Jonah said. "I actually have tomorrow off. And the day after. Dina doesn't want me to have a 40 hour week two weeks in a row because then I might get benefits."

"Oh, good, I was worried she'd changed." Amy rearranged herself so she could sleep with Jonah's good arm around her. 

She woke up when Jonah woke up and he got out of bed quickly. Then he said, "I've been thinking. I'm sorry, we should break up."

 

_C_ It was Valentine's Day, Amy felt a little sad. She missed Jonah. She'd been dating, she'd been single and looking. She remembered breaking up the decorations with Jonah and then they'd gone to Jonah's apartment and had sex on the floor of his living room. 

She hated her stupid shirt and khaki pants. Assistant Manager had a lot going for it, but the enforced wardrobe wasn't part of it. 

She was watching the security cameras in the surveillance room. She didn't even remember the real name or if there was another name, she called it what Dina called it. Someone knocked on the door and she said, "What?"

"I was looking for Amy Sosa, but it appears I've found Dina dressed up in an Amy suit."

She recognized that voice. She spun around. "Jonah?"

"Amy," Jonah said. Then they were hugging and she missed his wiry arms around her so much. 

"What are you doing here? Who let you back here?"

"Sandra let me back here," Jonah said. "I'm here because I've moved back to St. Louis and I need a job."

Amy smiled. "What happened to Connecticut and plastic surgeons' receptionist?" She hugged him again for good measure. She didn't want to let go. 

"Well, remember the psychic? And the life coach?"

"You never told me how it went," Amy said. "Oh, god, I need to watch the store, come sit next to me."

He perched on the edge of her chair. She noticed his expensive jeans and his Bowdoin sweatshirt. "Well, the psychic told me I had already met my true love, and that I should get out of Connecticut and that I should teach kindergarten or elementary school."

"You didn't tell me because of the true love?" She couldn't stop smiling. 

"I don't believe in true love," Jonah said. 

"What did the life coach say?"

Jonah smiled at her. He really did have long eyelashes. She wondered if she should get her eyelashes done. Cheyenne knew a place. Jonah said, "Get out of Connecticut, go back to St. Louis, and your aptitude test says you should be a teacher."

"Wow," Amy said. "So are you going to be a teacher?"

"My dad said he couldn't ignore a psychic and a life coach and since he'd already said he was going to pay for my MBA, he agreed to pay for my Masters in Education from actually one of the best programs for that. Guess where?"

"The community college down the street?"

Jonah grinned. "Washington University. I got in and I start in the fall. I thought maybe, if you have space and you're not all hired up, I could work at Cloud 9 until classes start and even after work two or three days a week. Do you think Glenn remembers me?"

"He has a picture of you on his desk," Amy said. "I'm pretty sure we have a place for you. Do you have an apartment?"

"Yup," Jonah said. "Apparently six months living with Dad and hanging out with Mom has gotten me back in the family good graces. I have to access to my trust again."

"Access to your trust?"

"My great-grandmother set up a trust for the great-grandchildren. It's a really big trust. My mother locked me out after college, just let all the money for me accrue. It's a nice chunk of change. I can't touch the principal, but I am now allowed to touch the dividends and some of the cash," Jonah said.

"This is all very complicated," Amy said. "What does all that mean?"

"I'm getting an extra thousand a month," Jonah said. "Which I am telling you because it might seem odd to you that I was able to afford this three bedroom, two and a half bathroom condo I am living in."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, along with the extra monthly income, I'm also able to withdraw enough for a down payment, etc," Jonah said. 

"Is there money left in that trust?"

Jonah pressed his lips together. Then he said, "Yes."

"You don't like talking about money?"

"I am concerned about admitting how much money I technically have but actually don't," Jonah said. "I'm not really rich."

"Except you are," Amy said. "But I liked you before I knew you were a millionaire."

"I'm not really," Jonah said. 

"I'm going to pretend I'm sick, tell Glenn I have to go, and you are going to drive me to this luxurious condo. Then we're going to have sex on your new bed," Amy said.

"So we'll do the job thing tomorrow or is that dependent on my performance?"

"Oooh, that's a good question," Amy said. 

His condo was really nice and had virtually no furniture. "You do have a bed, right?"

"I have a bed," Jonah said. "It's not like I have any of my old furniture or art or records or anything from my old place."

Amy kissed Jonah's hand and then his cheek, standing on her tiptoes. "Speaking of your bed."

"Speaking of," Jonah said. "I can try to carry you, I wouldn't drop you. If you want. Maybe you're not into that."

Amy did a little jump into his arms, he immediately grabbed her ass. She wrapped her legs around his waist and held on tight to his neck. "Go for it."

"Okay," he said, smiling a lot. He carried her into the bedroom and delicately put it her down. He laid down next to her. "You're so pretty."

"Thank you," she said. "I love your natural beauty."

He laughed and she kissed him, pressed against his chest, the whole length of him. She put her hand on his crotch and rubbed at his dick through his jeans. Then she was undoing his pants and pulling them down enough she could get her hand on him. "Fuck, Amy," he said.

"Yes, fuck me," Amy said. "I'm on the pill now. So no need to pause for a condom."

He kissed her again, his hands on her breasts. He tugged at her shirt to get it off or up. Then he said, "Although. Just to be clear. You know, the Red Cross has these shitty policies and since I've had sex with a man, you having sex with me means if you're strictly honest, you can't donate blood."

"That's definitely a reason not to have sex with you right now," Amy said. "You're so you. I love it."

"I love you," Jonah said. She was still pumping her hand up and down his dick, her hands slick now. He got her pants pushed down and her underwear as well.

"Ugh, I have to do the rest of this," Amy said. She let go and rolled on her back. She really didn't want to touch her nicest pair of khakis with her wet hands.

Jonah took off his shirt and rubbed her hands. She kissed him again. She took off her pants and her underwear and her shirt and her bra. Jonah just watched her until she glared at him and said, "Could you please get naked?"

"Yes, yes, I will do that." It had been so long since she'd seen him naked and they'd had sex. He looked mostly the same, a little leaner. She assumed she looked a little worse. She didn't see that in Jonah's eyes at all, and he was already hard. But she sort of believed it.

She said, "You look good."

"You look amazing," Jonah said. "Seriously."

She blushed. She opened his arms and pulled him on top of her. She could feel how hard he was against her belly. She kept jerking him off, her hands getting slick again. He had his hands between her legs and they bumped into each other more than once. She giggled. She moved his hands away, bringing his dick up inside her. She loved him, she loved him, she thought it with every thrust. Jonah said her name and she felt him tight inside her.

Jonah came first and then he put all his efforts into making her come, which didn't take long. And then they were laying there, warm and sticky and overwhelmed. She said, "I love you. No more Connecticut, okay?"

"I probably have to back for like, weddings, bar mitzvahs."

"But besides that, no more. You live here now."

Jonah said, "You can live here now. If you wanted. Or wait. But the bedroom over there is for Emma. Would be for Emma if you moved in. She'd have her own bathroom, too."

"I dunno, maybe don't spoil her," Amy said, shaking her head.

"Maybe I don't want to share my bathroom with her," Jonah said. "I'm coping with the idea of sharing it with you."

"You like having your own bathroom?"

"I have almost always have had my own bathroom," Jonah said. "My whole childhood, high school, half of college, times when I wasn't volunteering. Your own bathroom is magical. You never have to wait for someone else to be done, you can take really long showers. If you get engrossed in a story on your phone, no one starts knocking on the door."

"You really love having your own bathroom," Amy said. "But if I moved in, we would be sharing."

"And I love you. Also, when Emma's not here, you can use hers sometimes," Jonah said.

"But you wouldn't," Amy said. "You don't want to do boy things in Emma's bathroom."

"Not like that," Jonah said.

Amy used what she was already thinking of as Emma's bathroom before they went to sleep. She'd loved sleeping with Jonah back in the day, the few times they had, but this was better. It was sort of hot being the big spoon.


	5. Chapter 5

_A_ Jonah woke up and couldn't get out of bed. He couldn't do it, he couldn't do any of it. He stared at the ceiling. He felt physically incapable of moving and talking and being his public version of Jonah. Amy came into the bedroom carrying Lulu. She said, "Jonah."

"I don't want to, I can't go to work," Jonah said. 

Amy stared at him and he felt small and pathetic. She barely put up with him as it was. She said, "Okay. I'll call in sick, too, I'll call in sick for you, we can talk about this."

"What do you mean?"

Amy sat down next to him and leaned in so it was like the two of them were holding Lulu. He heard Amy calling his boss and then leaving a message for Glenn. Amy put down her phone and shifted in bed so she holding Lulu and the baby was resting on his chest. Lulu spat up a bubble. The baby sighed. Amy said, "You need a day off. Maybe more. Are you tired?"

"I'm always tired. I can't do this, Amy. I'm losing my mind," Jonah said. "No, I'm exaggerating, I'll be fine, I know we need me at this job."

"No we don't," Amy said. "I'm sorry. I made you take this job and I was angry you didn't like it. But. I get it now. Cloud 9 you can half ass. You make a few mistakes, Glenn gets a little upset and you go home and it's over. And now you have to have all those numbers correct, and client confidentiality, and I know how serious you take it. But you don't have to. Adam and I raised Emma basically on my Cloud 9 salary. Now I'm making more. You could come back to work."

"No I can't," Jonah said. "You're stuck in this marriage you don't want, so you may as well at least have good health insurance and all the benefits I get."

"Shut up," Amy said. "I get to decide what I don't want --"

"You don't want me," Jonah said. "I mean, you don't want the marriage."

"Shut up," Amy said. She kissed him and held the back of his head, her hand in his hair. It felt nice. "This is nothing like when I was 19 and I felt I had to get married. That's the kind of thing you do when you're 19, you don't think much. You just do what people expect you to do. But I'm not 19. I chose to have Lulu, I chose you, I love you, I initially didn't want to get married and now that we are I'm clearly fucking it up, but I love you and I want you."

"I get really anxious," Jonah said. 

"I said I'm a shitty wife," Amy said. "I should apologize to Adam. I clearly suck at this."

"No, you're fine," Jonah said. 

"Stop making me feel better," Amy said. "I'm sucking at this. I don't make you feel valued. And I value you. I super value you. You're a great husband, and I love you. I love how you think about Emma all the time even though you don't have to, and I love your hot bod."

"Hot bod?" Lulu had fallen asleep. Jonah was holding her delicately against his chest. "I think this is the definition of a dad bod."

"Adam has a dad bod, you're hot," Amy said.

"He's taller than me," Jonah said.

"You're taller than me," Amy said. "Look, we have great health insurance. You should talk to someone. You love therapy. We can talk to someone. Oh, God, it would make Rabbi Levy's day if we wanted marriage counseling. I know that sounds bad. But he was complaining about how everyone likes professional therapists now."

"What's up with that?" Jonah smiled and then didn't. "Amy, I feel something is pressing on my chest all the time. I don't want to get online at home because it's two steps to a poker website. And I believe everything you've said this morning but I really feel like you don't want to be here and it's my fault."

Amy smiled and pressed her hand against his chest. It felt nice. She said, "I can't believe we didn't solve all our problems in ten minutes while you're having another nervous breakdown."

"Another? I don't think that's fair," Jonah said. He couldn't think of the other one.

"I'm sorry, getting in your car and just driving after you flunk out and spend two days in the hospital for dehydration is a nervous breakdown. I say it with love," Amy said. She kissed him again. "Go back to sleep. Me and Lulu are gonna hang out here with you. It's okay."

He woke up and didn't move, he felt Lulu heavy against his hip. "Hey," Jonah said. "How's my daughter?"

Lulu didn't answer. She looked unhappy, though. Lulu often looked unhappy to Jonah, he was worried she'd inherited too much from him. He believed in love and hope and all those things, but he was sure Lulu had gotten all his anxiety. She was an anxious infant, in Jonah's opinion.

Amy came into the room and picked up Lulu. "She pooped," Amy said. "She pooped a lot. That's why she had that face. She's not anxious, Jonah."

"I didn't say that," Jonah said. 

"I'm a shitty wife, but I do know you," Amy said. 

"I'm a shitty husband," Jonah said. 

"During the brief period when Lulu and you were both asleep, I went on the insurance website. I called a few shrinks who seemed nice enough, and one has an opening next week so I made you an appointment. You like psychiatrists, you'll like this woman," Amy said.

"Thanks? I'm not sure I need, okay, wait, you're right," Jonah said. "I wish I could take off the whole week but I have to take the series 7 exam next week."

"You could take the week off to study," Amy said. 

"No, I can study at work. I'll go back tomorrow," Jonah said. 

He went back to work the next day, not very rested but feeling less like his head would explode if he stepped outside his door. He went to his shrink appointment, he took his newly prescribed pills. He went with Amy to talk to their rabbi about making their marriage work better. 

The Rabbi said neither of them were shitty, it was people who didn't even ask for help who ended up in unhappy relationships. Jonah thought Amy really wanted someone to yell at her and Jonah wanted someone to tell him it was his fault and Amy didn't even like him so neither of them were getting what they wanted. 

The night of their third meeting with the Rabbi, Amy actually came by Jonah's office with Lulu. He said, "Hey, you're here, you didn't have to."

"Lulu wanted to say hi," Amy said. She had changed from work into a skirt and loose shirt. 

"I know that skirt," Jonah said, smiling. "Strike day."

"It fits," Amy said. She was still unhappy about her body after Lulu. Jonah stayed out of it. He felt guilty about staying out of it. He always thought she was beautiful, maybe he was saying it wrong. 

"I'm ready to go, I just need to do my closing down stuff," Jonah said. He and his shrink had talked about this. Take deep breaths and do each step. Make sure everything was closed, all the papers were locked away. Make sure the desk looked neat. In case he got hit by a car, or a bus, everything would be okay. Amy was quiet during all of it. Or sort of quiet. Some of Jonah's coworkers came by and cooed over Lulu who looked really adorable. She was a little awake and a little sleepy and Jonah had dressed her in the whole dress, leggings, socks outfit that his mother had sent. Jonah was frankly surprised Lulu was still wearing it all these hours later. 

"Okay," Jonah said, standing up. He took Lulu from Amy's arms because holding her was one of the best parts of his day. 

Amy said, "You put her in the carrier, I can never get that stupid thing buckled up right. My mom is better at it than I am."

"Your mom has very dexterous fingers," Jonah said as he put Lulu in her seat. "Look at her crochet work."

Jonah drove. He said, "How was your day?"

"Dull, dull, dull," Amy said. "I did, like, 100 interviews today. Three people told me they were high. During the interview. Just said it, straight out, I'm pretty wasted right now."

"Well, you know who not to hire," Jonah said.

"I hired one of them," Amy said. "We really need someone in the warehouse."

"Understandable," Jonah said. 

"Hey," Amy said. "When I tell you I love you tonight, are you going to believe me?"

"I believe you," Jonah said. "Please don't hold my breakdown ramblings against me."

"I'm not," Amy said. "It makes me unhappy that our communication sucks so much. I really love you. I want Lulu to see her parents happy."

"When do we stop talking like people who are in therapy? We talk about our feelings and how it makes us feel," Jonah said. "We used to be funny."

"We're still funny," Amy said. "Rabbi Levy laughs with us."

"We're hilarious," Jonah said. "Every time we get together with our couple friends, they're rolling on the floor."

"We have no couple friends," Amy said. "Garrett and Dina broke up. And they weren't very couple y either."

"We should get couple friends. Have we softened on spending time with Bo?" He knew the answer was no. 

"You know it's a big fat no. Do you think Rabbi Levy will stick with Abraham and Sarah or mix it up with some Ruth and that guy she married?" 

"He really loves the book of Ruth," Jonah said. "I appreciate his love of the great woman in the Torah. As a feminist --"

"Yup, yup, yup," Amy said. "I got it." She patted his thigh. "I apologize for being dismissive."

"Oh, I can take it," Jonah said. "But I'm telling Rabbi Levy."

 

_B_ Jonah was sulking, sitting on the edge of the examining table at his doctor's. He was tired of everything. He tried to be positive, but he was in pain constantly even though his arm was supposedly healed and his ribs and everything else. He'd broken up with Amy for very good reasons, it was not about what everyone else seemed to assume, he didn't want her to date a bunch of other guys and then come back to him. His reasons were much better, but either way, he missed Amy that way and the very satisfying sex. He basically had Garrett's job except it was a different store and he was working for Mateo and Dina. It was a weird mix, most of the time.

The doctor came in and said, "So you're still in pain. Why aren't you taking your vicodin?"

"The opioid epidemic? All the overdoses and misuse? I've had gambling problems, you know, I think I have an addictive personality," Jonah said. 

The doctor sighed. "This is the first time I've done this, but I feel like you're the patient for it. I'm prescribing you a reading list."

"OooooOOh," Jonah said. "That's so great."

"I figured," the doctor said. He handed Jonah a print out. "Read these, refill your prescription and take your pills."

Jonah reluctantly agreed to the pills part, he was already on Amazon ordering all the books he was supposed to read. 

Richmond Heights was its usual Richmondy Heightsy. He'd grown to love it, but it definitely had its own flavor. The customers were definitely their own thing, as Garrett would say. 

He read the announcements with none of Garrett's flare, he'd tried once and it had not gone well. He dealt with two returns and then Mateo sauntered over. Mateo said, "God, why do you always look so depressed? Is it because Amy has spent the last three months getting laid and you haven't? Cause that's all on you, you dumped her so she would go out and experiment and never have FOMO with you."

"That's not why we broke up," Jonah said. "We broke up because --"

"Oh, God, I KNOW. It was about communication, you've told me 500 times. It's still not believable," Mateo said.

"You and Cheyenne were all over me and Amy telling us to break up because of, of FOMO, so why aren't you celebrating instead of attacking me?" Jonah rubbed his arm because it ached. 

"You didn't have to listen to us," Mateo said. "Typical Jonah, whichever the way wind blows when someone cooler than you is telling you what to do."

"That sounds just like me," Jonah said. 

"I don't get why you're not dating, you seemed like you could get some women to want you, however you do that," Mateo said. 

Jonah debated, like he always did at some point when Mateo was annoying him, saying he was actually bisexual, but, like always, he said nothing. He was pretty sure Mateo would say he was lying. Jonah said, "It was a two way street, me and Amy failing at our relationship. I want to be better next time."

"When Amy's gotten laid enough that you'll take her back?"

"Nope," Jonah said. "Not thinking that at all."

"Good, because she can do way better," Mateo said. He left Jonah to his own devices. Specifically, his Kindle, on which Jonah was reading one of the books from his reading list. 

He woke up in the morning, winced, and took his pain pill. He felt better. After he ate breakfast and showered, he laid back down on his bed and went back to reading. He didn't notice the time pass until he heard a knock on the door. "Shit, shit, shit, shit," he said, as he pulled on the nearest clean jeans. He hoped the t-shirt on the floor was clean since it didn't smell bad.

He opened the door, smiling. "Amy."

Amy smiled and said, "Jonah. Did you forget we were having lunch? Cause this was all your idea."

"I didn't forget," Jonah said. "Not really. My doctor gave me a reading list. It's so cool."

"Of course, he did," Amy said. "DId you bounce up and down in the room?"

"I said it was really cool," Jonah said. "Do you want to hear about it?"

"I want to eat, too," Amy said. "Are we ordering in, or did you cook?"

"I didn't cook, so we are definitely ordering in," Jonah said. "What do you want, any preference?"

"Something that will get here quick?"

"Definitely," Jonah said. He called the Thai place that was only two blocks away. He said, "Okay, it's still going to be 20 minutes, but it will be here soon."

"Great, great," Amy said. "Okay, tell me about your prescription books."

"Seriously?" Jonah looked at her. 

"I said yes, I want to hear about it. I asked," Amy said. "Look at us, communicating."

"That wasn't said with any snide undertones at all," Jonah said. 

"I'm trying," Amy said. "Not with the snide part. I am genuinely interested in hearing about your books."

"Okay, I'll try not to go on too long. Interrupt at will," Jonah said. He started going on about the first book which talked about pain as a metaphor and chronic pain and how badly it was treated. "Hopefully I don't have chronic pain, though I guess at this point it has been a while."

"Yeah, but you push yourself too hard," Amy said. "Look at all that sex we had before your ribs even healed."

"It was good sex," Jonah said. "Sorry. I'm sure you have great sex now. Which is not why we broke up."

"I know," Amy said. "It's been months, we've talked it out. I accept that you thought we were bad for each other and I kinda agree. But we don't need to keep going over it."

"I agree," Jonah said. "Mateo keeps arguing with me about it, though."

"Cheyenne does, too," Amy said. "Do you want to change the subject?"

"Really a lot," Jonah said. "Hey, how's that management course going?"

"It's fine. It's not great. Like, the class is so generic. It's like Mark is a go getter and Tony is always quiet in meetings. Except in actual life, Mark is a kind of an entitled dick and Tony is a woman who's always been told to be quiet and respectful and you just have to treat them differently," Amy said. "Or not different, but I think learning the principles in an abstract where the college educated white male is the default is crappy preparation."

"And perpetuates the patriarchy and white supremacy," Jonah said. 

"Sure," Amy said. "But you say stuff like that in an actual classroom and everyone looks at you like you're a crazy person."

"Sure," Jonah said. "The way you said it is much better. You have real examples."

"But you're right about the patriarchy," Amy said. "Also, I am having great sex. Lots of it."

"Good for you," Jonah said. Thankfully, the food came before Amy went into more detail. 

They talked about work stuff and Jonah talked more about his books and Amy talked about Emma and how she was doing which Jonah was genuinely interested in. Then they were sitting on Jonah's couch, flipping through Netflix. "I don't get your love of these weird series," Amy said. "Do they have to have subtitles? Or just be shot in really dark rooms?"

"Neither are necessary, but they're both a plus," Jonah said.

Amy said, "I like communicating with you better. I probably deserved to get dumped."

"You didn't deserve to get dumped and I handled it badly," Jonah said. "I was just really worried that we were heading into a bad place, not like, Hell, but we didn't really talk, most of the time."

"You definitely handled it badly. But you weren't wrong. We shouldn't have gotten back together after the tornado. I was just flailing around. And you were familiar. Which, of course, you deserve better," Amy said.

"Do I? I pretty much just stewed in my unhappiness," Jonah said.

"And your broken arm and ribs," Amy said.

"Yeah," Jonah said. "Speaking of which, I should take my one pain pill for the night."

He took it and they finished off the Thai food. He said, "But we're good, right? We have lunch, we hang out. It's like we're back to being good friends."

"And back to all the sexual tension," Amy said, laughing. They were sitting on the couch, watching Netflix again. They were curled into each other, something Jonah had to restrain himself from doing, generally. He just loved the way her skin felt and her smell and having her near him, against him. He was spoiled by his own love for the whole tactile experience of being with Amy. 

Also, he thought, he was a little high. He said, "Sometimes I think we should get back together but then I think I don't want to make Mateo feel like he's right."

Amy elbowed him on the side he hadn't been injured on because she still cared about him. She said, "That is so fucking stupid."

"I know," Jonah said. "I would only want to get back together if you wanted to get back together and only because you and I have been much better about being ourselves. Me, specifically. I just sort of brooded and didn't speak up enough for myself."

"That's sure true," Amy said. "And you dumped me badly."

"I definitely did," Jonah said. "It was pretty rude."

"Well, we're not getting back together. How does that feel?"

He nodded. "Deserved."

Amy pressed closer to him. She said, "Okay, we're even. Ask me next week if you still want it and you can get over letting Mateo think he's right."

 

_C_ "I am Adam approved," Jonah said, taking off his vest as they entered the condo. 

"Approved is a very strong word," Amy said. "Since we are now officially living together, Adam is okay with Emma living here during the times I have custody. We all had a nice talk about it."

"Even though he's remarried with a new kid," Jonah said. "Sorry, I just feel like he doesn't have a leg to stand on to disapprove of us."

"I don't disagree," Amy said. "Little Davie is kinda cute."

"He doesn't look like Emma at all," Jonah said. "Emma showed me pictures. But there have been studies that show babies usually resemble their fathers for their first year of life --"

"Emma has never really looked like Adam, honestly," Amy said. "She basically looks like a clone of my grandmother. One time my mom fooled me and Adam with pictures of Grandma as a 4 year old and we were both like 'when did Emma have that outfit?' She didn't, it was Grandma."

"Wow," Jonah said. He turned and looked at her. "Do you ever think, like, maybe we would have a kid?"

Amy smiled and looked down and blushed and was generally adorable. She said, "I do think of that sometimes. But then I'm like, you're going to start school and when can I take maternity leave which would still be unpaid?"

"Amy, you've seen my bank statements. We're good. If you were to get pregnant, if we were having a baby that we planned to have, you honestly wouldn't even need to go back to work. If you didn't want to," Jonah said. "Cause I am rich.Thanks to my family, not anything I ever did."

"In this hypothetical, we're married and you have even more access to your trust," Amy said.

"Yeah, once I got married and you were pregnant, absolutely," Jonah said. "That's how it works."

"So if you want more money, you just have to seduce me and get me pregnant?" Amy got closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. 

"And do well in school," Jonah said. "My grandparents might not let me have everything unless you convert."

"But I get a lot of money for it?"

Jonah kissed her adorable face. Specifically her cheek. "You have to sign a pre-nup. But once you have the baby, you get something close to half."

"If the baby is Jewish?" Amy let go of his waist and pressed her hands on his chest. 

"It would help," Jonah said. 

"We've got a plan," Amy said.

Jonah smiled. "Did we just propose?" 

"No, no," Amy said. "We have to have a better story than that."

"Do you want me to set up a flash mob for tomorrow at work?" Jonah held her hand, thought about how great it would be to be married. 

"No amount of money would make that worthwhile," Amy said. 

"I had an idea that involved the musical In the Heights?"

"Only if you actually have Lin-Manuel Miranda and Chris Jackson," Amy said. 

"Okay, that idea's out." He kissed her and then put his hands on her waist. "I'll think of something. Please don't say no, though."

"Maybe I'll ask you before you ask me," Amy said. She did some kind of flirty wiggle with her hips that left him really really hard. 

"Let's have sex," Jonah said. 

"Oh, yeah," Amy said. "We are so going to do that."


	6. Chapter 6

_A_ Amy had been the one to propose they have an actual wedding, with Rabbi Levy and all their families there. Jonah had reluctantly agreed. "As long as we don't ask for gifts," Jonah said. 

Now Amy was in her lovely pale yellow dress, dancing with Jonah at the reception. "We got gifts."

"But not too many," Jonah said. "I always feel bad asking for gifts."

"I didn't feel bad at my first wedding," Amy said. "But I agree with you for this one."

"I really smashed that glass," Jonah said, smiling. 

"You're so proud," Amy said. She loved his silly bragging. "You really did smash it. Better than Barry?"

"No, Barry played soccer in college. He really crushed it," Jonah said. "Do you hate my family?"

"Why would you ask that?"

"They can be assholes, and a little racist. Or just plain racist," Jonah said. "Aunt Linda, you know."

"Nobody's said anything to me, but I'll check with my parents," Amy said. She rested her head on his chest. He had bought a really expensive suit for the wedding, she really loved it. She looked over to where Lulu was sleeping in Amy's mother arms. Lulu was also wearing pale yellow and Amy's mother had somehow sneaked a flowery headband on her. Amy hated those darn headbands. Lulu had some hair, which wasn't surprising with Jonah for a dad, but she hardly needed a headband. Jonah also got super worked up about enforcing gender roles and he hated things that screamed girl. 

"I'm going to make your mom take that headband off," Jonah said. 

"I knew it," Amy said. "Let Mom have one. She was really sad we couldn't have pork for dinner."

Jonah nodded. "The spirit of compromise."

"We should have another kid," Amy said.

"Not right now, right?" Jonah's hands tightened on her butt.

"No, no way, next year. I'm just saying, it would be nice to have three. Me, I would have three, you would have two, I'm not having more than one other kid," Amy said. "Next year."

"Okay, next year," Jonah said. "For now, we get drunk."

"So drunk," Amy said. 

 

 _B_ Amy woke up and had to pee so she went to the bathroom. She was briefly confused and then she said, "Right. I moved in with Jonah."

"Yeah, you did," Jonah said, from the bedroom. 

"That totally explains why there is so much gel, hair spray, leave in conditioner and mousse in this bathroom," Amy said.

"I don't have mousse," Jonah said. "I'm coming in there, I need to go to the bathroom."

Five minutes later they were both back in bed. Amy said, "I'm cold. Is the heat working?" 

"The heat is working," Jonah said. 

He got closer to her and pushed off her shirt. His hands were a little chilly and then he was cupping her breast. She pushed into his soft hands and his thumb made circles around her nipple and she was definitely getting warmer. She made happy noises as he dipped his head and then there was his thumb and his mouth and she loved living with him. She felt his other hand moving lower, between her legs. He pulled her underwear down and she maneuvered them off. She said, "You don't mind I gave up on waxing and all that? I just seriously, hmmm, don't care. Do you care?"

He lifted his head and she was fixated on his mouth and teeth and his fingers already getting her wet. He didn't stop as he said, "I don't care at all."

"Cause you do," she said, wiggling around his hand because he would not get right where she needed him and he was so doing it on purpose.

"I just like it, do you want me to stop?"

"I want." She reached down and put her hand over his, guiding him to where she needed him. "Your manscaping is just fine with me. I love when you triple task." His hand between her legs was finally doing what she wanted and he was kneading her breast softly and kissing her other breast and it was so great, so very very great and she came with a quiet moan. 

She pulled his head up and kissed him. Then she said, "I swear, it's still cold in here."

Jonah sat back and hung his head. "Okay, I'll check." He got out of bed, looking a little ridiculous in his underwear and socks and also his erection. He was gone for a minute or two and then came back. "Fine, it was your fault. You keep leaving the window a little open in the other bathroom. Just a crack, Jonah, fresh air is good." His imitation of her was horrible. "Also, I turned the heat up to counteract all the fresh artic air you let in."

"I was right that it was cold," Amy said. "Get back in bed, I want you to fuck me."

"Such a romantic invitation," Jonah said, but he was smiling. As soon as he got in the bed, she tugged his underwear down. "I was going to do that," he said. 

"I love you, I do things for you," Amy said. She only had to rub his dick a little to get him really hard again and then she got on her back, spreading her legs. He got on top of her and started fucking her, just like she asked. 

He had gotten more forceful in bed since they'd gotten back together, she really liked it. She'd had to ask him to and he responded and she really loved the push and back and push of him inside her. She grabbed his ass, pulling him further in. 

She noticed he was supporting himself on what they both probably thought of as his good arm. He shifted positions and kept moving until she came. Then he just let go and came, too. 

After they were both cleaned up and back in bed, Amy said, "Your arm still bothers you, huh?"

"Sometimes," he said. He smiled at her. "I was about to say it's nothing, but instead I will tell you that it does hurt and my doctor isn't sure why since the x-rays don't show any reason for continuing pain. He said 'sometimes it happens. We don't know why.' I didn't enjoy that conversation." 

"When was that?" She turned on her side and rested her head on his chest. 

"Today," Jonah said. "Yesterday, technically. He prescribed more physical therapy."

"I'm sorry, baby. Is it bad?"

"It's not great," he said. "It's like a low level headache all the time except in my forearm, not my head. Advil isn't exactly cutting it. I'm going to be a statistic, I just know it."

"Yup, the number of people who used physical therapy and found his way to make things better," she said. "Or total Oxycontin overdose, totally tragic. Is your will up to date?" She rubbed his stomach. "I'm making a joke."

"It's a good joke," he said. 

"Whatever happens, we'll make it work," she said. "Okay?"

"Okay," he said. "I like that confidence. I love that confidence."

"Yup, you're stuck with me."

"And Emma," Jonah said.

She snuggled more into his chest, feeling his warm chest rising and falling. 

 

 _C_ Amy proposed. Emma offered to be part of her flash mob, so of course, Amy had to do it. The two of them danced badly to Britney Spears's Toxic. Then they were laughing and Amy even had a ring for him. He set it aside "for the wedding." 

Amy said, "You'll regret it, I bought it at Cloud 9."

 

_Be so kind_  
_would you_  
_expanse of porch_  
_all day_  
_stretching_  
_oceanic_  
_be so kind._


End file.
